


Like A Rock Cast In The Sea

by AsagiStilinski



Series: Purge And Purify [3]
Category: Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Monsters (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - The Purge Fusion, Angst, Angst and Feels, Arguing, BDSM, Dom Yami Yuugi | Atem, Dom/sub, Dubious Morality, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt, Enemies to Friends, Established Relationship, Fights, Flashbacks, Lies, M/M, Married Couple, Mild torture, Moral Ambiguity, Moral Dilemmas, Past, Plans For The Future, Power Play, Secrets, Sub Kaiba Seto, Therapy, Time Skips, Yakuza
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-24
Updated: 2019-06-24
Packaged: 2020-05-18 19:41:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 26,914
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19341289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AsagiStilinski/pseuds/AsagiStilinski
Summary: Eight months after the events of the last Purge, Atem and Seto are living their best lives .. atleast until Atem gets a call from MarikMarik has plans for him, plans involving another Purge, and Atem's reluctant agreement to participate may end up shattering the peace that he and Seto had built for themselves-permanently





	1. You Don't Have To Sat Just What You Did, I Already Know

**Author's Note:**

> And Purge And Purify continues! This part is going to be mostly backstory and set-up without much actual _action_ , so I hope you can stick with me and enjoy the ride, Part 4 will be more centered on action and violence
> 
> The title is from "About Her" by Malcolm McLaren https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QBAcaE3FE4U
> 
> The chapter title is from Halsey's "Without Me" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZAfAud_M_mg

_"Fuck!"_

_"Very articulate,"_

_Marik rolled his eyes, nose wrinkling as he peered over the massive rock they were currently hiding behind_

_That last round of gunfire was just a little too close for comfort..._

_"You know if we left right now, we could make it out of here in one peice without a problem... well, **much** of a problem anyway,"_

_Marik stared up at his partner sympathetically, a truly guilt-ridden look on his face as he locked eyes with his lover_

_"I know.... but **you** know that I can't do that, I have a promise to keep, I can't just leave them here,"_

_"You and your damn sentimentalities Marik... and your damn job, and your damn promises... you're going to get us both killed you know,"_

_"No, not both of us," the blonde promised quietly, slowly leveling out of his sitting position and placing his hands on his partner's shoulders_

_"I have to do this, but you don't, go on without me and I'll join you soon, you'll thank me for this one day, you know,"_

_"Oh I highly doubt that," his partner grumbled with a roll of his eyes_

_"And you know that I can't do that, Marik, I'm coming with you, and if you have any complaints about that, you know where to shove them,"_

_Marik found himself smirking, his eyes gentle and soft as he leaned closer and placed a kiss against his lover's cheek_

_"Thank you for understanding darling,"_

_"Mm-hm, bite me Ishtar,"_

_Marik rolled his eyes playfully, grinning as he rose to his feet_

_"Anywhere you wish, Bakura,"_

 

When Atem walked into the cafe', it was with heavy reluctance, he had tried to avoid associating with this man for the past eight months, and for the most part he had succeeded, but after getting a call that morning nearly _demanding_ the officer's presence- lest he go straight to the station and make a scene- he obviously had no choice

"Ah there you are, my favorite member of law enforcement! Sit down, have some tea or coffee, a pastry or two, order anything you'd like, it's on me,"

"I think I'll be fine, what do you want Marik?" Atem snarled venomously, sliding down into the booth opposite the criminal

"Now is that any way to speak to the man who called an _exterminator_ for your most recent pest problem? I'm offended,"

"I never asked you to do that, you did it on your own,"

"Oh but you _would_ have asked me, you wanted to, if I'm wrong then I'd LOVE to know what those seventeen missed calls in ten minutes were all about, it would have been pretty inconvenient for you if I had picked up, wouldn't it?"

Atem's jaw was tense, his eyes narrowed, his nose wrinkled

He didn't like this

He didn't like it at all

"I'll repeat, what do you want Marik?"

The blonde smirked, leaning across the table, elbows placed neatly on the smooth surface, fingers steepled and chin resting on top of them

"Do you know what's happening in a few days, Atem?"

Atem was quiet for a moment before giving a small shrug, eyebrows raised boredly

"St. Patrick's Day?"

"It's Purge Night in America, and I want you to be there, and I want you to break my boyfreind out of prison,"

Atem huffed, rolling his eyes and shifting to get up

"We're done here,"

"Sit. DOWN. Officer, unless you want me to tell your freinds at the precinct that you hired me to _exterminate_ your vermin, a lie? Yes, but I have enough circumstantial evidence to atleast call for an investigation, and tell me, what _would_ Internal Affairs find if they did a deep-dive into your activity, hm?"

Atem's jaw was so tense he felt like it was about to break, swallowing tightly and inhaling deeply as he reluctantly settled back down in the booth

"I think I'll take that coffee now,"

 

_"Would you like some tea or coffee?"_

_"No thank you," Atem said softly as he crossed one leg over the other_

_The doctor seemed relatively unimpressed, sliding his pen behind his ear as he stared out at the patient before him_

_"I know you aren't particularly thrilled to be here, few people ever actually **enjoy** therapy, but I am not your enemy, Atem, I'm only here to help,"_

_"You're mistaken, Dr. Sahar," Atem corrected_

_"I don't ... **dislike** therapy, I simply don't need it,"_

_"With all due respect, I would disagree, you **killed** a man, Atem, no one comes out of that unscathed, no one but monsters,"_

_"Well then," Atem said softly, leaning back in the chair_

_"I suppose I'm a monster,"_

_"I disagree, give me a chance to prove you wrong about that and I swear that I will, and... one other thing, please, just call me Mahaad,"_

 

"So let me get this straight,"

"For once,"

Atem glared at Marik so hard that he started to wonder if he could actually burn a hole through the theif

".. Sorry, sexuality humor is my specialty,"

Rolling his eyes- and stirring his coffee- Atem began again

"You want me to fly to America next week and participate in the Purge- wich I am FIRMLY against- to liberate your murdering yakuza boyfreind from prison, smuggle him back here, and then just... what? Let the two of you fuck off into the sunset? And if you don't, you're going to blackmail me with evidence that you don't _really_ have and incriminate yourself in the process? This is the sloppiest plan I've ever heard,"

"Well you'd be right if that was, in fact, the plan," Marik noted as he sipped on his tea

"You have a few points wrong, Officer,"

"Then enlighten me,"

"Well firstly, I'm not blackmailing you to do anything besides hear me out, that's all, yes it's self-incriminating but I figured you'd rather sit here for an hour and talk business than deal with an I.A. investigation snooping around, it was a calculated risk,"

"... Point, so what are you going to use to force all of this on me then? I assume you aren't stupid enough to think I would do this of my own accord,"

"Oh but you _will_ do it of your own accord, because you are a man of honor, Officer Amyr... or ... is it Officer _Kaiba_ now? Amyr-Kaiba? Is there a hyphen? Congrats on the wedding by the way, so sad I wasn't invited,"

"Gee I wonder why that is," Atem huffed back flatly, his eyes flicking back to his wedding ring breifly

It was already four months old and yet it felt like he had just put it on for the first time yesterday....

"And it's still Amyr, for now,"

"Ooooh 'for now', that sounds fun! Won't you just indulge a lonely gay in telling me about your future? Or atleast show me a damn wedding photo,"

Atem rolled his eyes, and although he wanted to get this meeting over with and return to his life.....

He _did_ have a weakness for wedding photos

"We got married at a castle in Ireland," he noted, taking his phone out of his pocket and turning it on- he had specifically turned it off for this little gathering but... _wedding photos_

"Ireland huh? Not Hawaii or some other touristy place like that?"

"No, we wanted it to be quiet, and we didn't want to do it in a pro-Purge country, like it or not, our marriage _was_ a political statement here, Seto has to be carefull about things like that,"

"Yeah, I'm aware," Marik noted briskly, his tone a little tighter than before, but Atem was ignoring it for now

The bastard wanted to talk marriage, so here they were

"I'm... going to change my name next month, Seto and I are still having the 'to hyphen or not to hyphen' debate," he noted, scrolling through his digital photo albums and clicking on the one marked "wedding" before handing the phone to Marik

Maybe that was a dumb idea considering the source, but in some weird way, Atem trusted Marik, sure he was currently being blackmailed by the asshole and was probably being sent to his death overseas, but ... Marik _had_ killed for his husband more than once now, there's a certain type of emotional debt that comes with that baggage that Atem couldn't quite seem to clear

"Oh yeah? Who's winning?"

"No one is 'winning', it isn't ... me against him, it's just... neither of us are sure, yesterday morning we decided on the hyphen, this morning we decided against it, partly.... partly, if we decide on yes, then Seto is considering changing his name too, that would bring _so. much._ along with it..."

"I get it, it's alot to consider," Marik nodded, pausing for a moment and smirking up at Atem

"You wore a dress,"

"Yes, well, I'm a traditionalist, what can I say?" the officer smirked back, earning a laugh from the .. enemy? freinemy? .. something like that- across from him

"Did you guys apply for a civil partnership or whatever it's called?"

"Yes, Domino legalized those in 2018, we just got it two months ago, it's... flimsy, but it's better than nothing,"

"Mmm.."

Marik was still scrolling through pictures, the waitress had come with the sweets Atem had ordered and the officer thanked her politely but hesitated to touch them

Because for some reason he couldn't put his finger on, he wanted to say something that he shouldn't say, and he couldn't find the means to stop himself

"We ... want to move away, next year,"

Marik paused, looked up, and suddenly there was a sort of compassion in his eyes that Atem couldn't ever remember seeing there before

"Where?"

"We're still deciding, maybe... back to New Zealand? Or Ireland? It'd be easiest... I speak English, but my language capacity is capped at three, Seto is pretty supportive of Germany but I'd have to learn another language and I'd be entirely dependent on him the first few years... he speaks it like he was born there but .. I can't say a word, not to mention reading... it's alot to figure out, we haven't told anyone,"

"You're telling me,"

"Yes, and I don't know why, maybe it's because I don't really like you and I'm not going to be hurt by whatever your opinion is,"

"Or maybe we're more similar than you want to admit, Egyptian run-aways neck-deep in the Japanese crime scene, in love with men and not afraid to hide it, pro-gay and anti-Purge and everything everyone hates, we both kind of want out but neither of us really want to leave, so we're at a crossroad, maybe you're looking for compassion, or maybe a big neon warning sign not to do it, from someone who's walking in the same shoes you're in, maybe you know I'm safe because I'm not your freind and anything you tell me will get absorbed into a void of information that's never really going to have an impact on you,"

"Maybe,"

He hated to admit it, but Marik was right

He knew that, he had known for a long time that he and Marik were more similar than he had ever wanted to admit, the only real difference between them was that Atem had stepped into the government, and Marik had stepped away from it

If either of them had stepped differently, they could have been nearly identical, in some ways...

"Why the move? If legal recognition is that important to you then why not wait to get married? Would a year have really killed you?"

"It isn't that, it's .... we want kids, that's all either of us have ever wanted, a family, a _real_ family... not the... nuclear Sunday Brunch bullshit from the 50s but... we can't have that here, and maybe we could wait but .. maybe things won't change in five years, or ten years, or twenty or thirty, then what would we do? And let's be realistic, Seto is... bashing his head against the wall with this Purge thing but he's not changing any minds, not the important ones, it isn't like the Purge can be voted away by public opinion, and if he's trying to get on the government's good side then constantly criticizing those in power, rallying against their social stances, and marrying a man is a pretty piss-poor way of doing it, he's not going to stop acting against it but ... I think last year showed him just how much power was behind all of this.... just how much _money_ is behind it... I think it woke him up, in a ... sad but needed way, I think he stopped believing that he can change things in a couple of years if he just screams about it loudly enough, like I said, he's not stopping, but ..."

"He's deciding to put himself first instead of carrying an entire country's baggage? That's good, that's healthy, what, did he talk to Mahaad?"

"No, he's still ... _reluctant_ ... to trust anyone in the health industry, especially mental health,"

And knowing what Atem knew about his past, he couldn't really blame him

He still hoped to atleast get Seto to be _freinds_ with Mahaad someday, if nothing else, but he knew even that was probably a pipe dream, Seto had only just started tolerating Joey... though by now he could probably say they were freinds

"Speaking of, how _is_ the Good Wizard Of The North anyway?"

"He's doing quite well actually, I still owe you for help-"

.....

_Oh_

That was it, wasn't it?

That was how Marik was going to rope him into this, that was what he was talking about when he had said Atem was a man of honor...

"You dirty rotten snake.. you're really going to use that against me!?"

"Against you? _Against_ you? I risked my life AND Bakura's for your freinds, _Officer_ , so don't talk about using things AGAINST people! You have stacked up favor after favor from me and never once paid them back-"

"You're sitting in a coffee shop instead of a jail cell, I think that's payback enough,"

"Bullshit, you and I both know that you don't have the evidence you need to convict me of a damn thing, if you did, your pals in vice would have taken care of it years ago, I told you then that you would owe me and now I'm collecting, not to mention my _exterminator's fee_ ,"

"This again?"

"Yes, this again, you had a vermin problem, I took care of it, and considering the vermin? I'd say you owe a very. large. DEBT. You can't con a conman, Officer, you can say all day long that you weren't going to ask me for my services but we both know you were, your freind just got to Ishizu before you could get to me, that's all, now don't get me wrong... I took care of your _pest problem_ because I'm as anti-Purge as you are, I want your husband to continue his crusade, and be it here in Domino, or on a beach in New Zealand, or in some castle in Germany, I really couldn't give less of a fuck, I am a gay Egyptian man living in Japan with my boyfreind who's soon to be a fugitive from the United States, I'm anti-Purge and a crime boss, as much as I hate to admit it, I NEED your husband, I am EXACTLY the kind of person he's fighting for and you and I wave the _same_ flag, we both know there aren't alot of people fighting for us here, so yes, I needed him to keep his squeaky clean, violence free image, to be the martyr for our cause, but that doesn't mean that you don't still owe me for what I did for you, for him, not to mention the first time you asked me for my help,"

"For someone who's so anti-Purge, you sure are willing to use it for your own gain," Atem noted sharply

"Oh sweetheart, don't pull that righteous bullshit on me, I know what you did last summer, and cult-classic horror movies aside, we both know that you _purified_ yourself on your freind's father,"

Atem's heart sank into his stomach, he wanted to protest, but he knew it wouldn't do any good

It didn't matter if Marik had proof or not, he wasn't threatening to expose Atem or anything like that, he was just stating that they were on the same level

And as much as Atem hated to admit it.... they were

"I can't believe you're asking me for this,"

"Oh calm down, I won't let you get hurt, pinkie promise," Marik smirked, holding his pinkie out and wiggling his eyebrows suggestively

"I'd tell you where to shove that but I think you'd enjoy that too much..."

"Oh I think we _both_ would, what does Kaiba call you? _Your Majesty_?"

"Stop," Atem snapped immediately

"That's off limits, say what you want.. about me, about my .. past, my beleifs, whatever, but you leave my relationship with Seto- my _personal_ relationship- out of this, understand?"

Marik was quiet for a moment, shrugging and leaning back to sip on his tea again

"Don't get so defensive, it isn't like Bakura and I don't have our own little ... _power exchange_ in place,"

"I really don't give a damn,"

Marik sighed, putting his cup down and growing more serious

"Look, I'd love to let you and Prince Not-So-Charming ride off together into the sunset in your fancy sports car or whatever, but I can't pull this off without you, I've been without my boo for almost a year now, I've had no way to get him back, the Purge is my only option and I need you to pull it off,"

"Why? Why me and not one of the many people who would happily go to war for you?"

"Well I need your husband's private jet- wich is now _your_ private jet- for one thing, and for another, I need a cop, an inside man, Bakura isn't wanted for any crimes here, but Japan _does_ have an extradition treaty with the U.S., Bakura's a Japanese citizen, this is the first place they'll look,"

"And what do you want me to do about it?"

"Make sure that as far as Domino City knows, he's not here, I know you can do that, I know you can hide his coming back,"

"For how long!? I can't do that forever and if I overstep-"

"Relax, you're leaving in a year right? So not for very long, besides, I don't even know if we're staying or not... I can't lose Bakura again, if I have to pack up and go someplace else to keep him then I will, ofcourse all the countries that wouldn't extradite him also wouldn't allow us to be together so that's quite a catch-22, but we'll figure something our, maybe follow you to whatever fluffy paradise country you and Mr. Moneybags are going to,"

"Please don't,"

"You never know," Marik shrugged back

Atem sighed loudly, staring miserably down at his pastries, wich he was starting to regret ordering, he didn't know if he could eat with the way his stomach was churning now

"If I said no, what would you do? You aren't threatening me, after all, you aren't blackmailing me, you have nothing to force me into this,"

"That's just the thing, I'm not trying to force you, just like you weren't trying to force me to help your freinds a few years ago, or to help your husband back in July, I did those thing as a favor to you, because you needed me to, because it was the right thing to do, I know it sounds funny coming from a mob prince but I'm not actually that bad of a person, now I'm asking you to do something as a favor to me, because I need you to, because it's the right thing to do, and I'm hoping that you're atleast as good of a person as a professional criminal is,"

Dammit

How could he argue with that?

"What did Bakura even do this time anyhow?"

"Nothing, isn't that ironic? The bastard has run amuck for years now between Egypt and Japan and has managed to get out unscathed, he sets foot in the land of the fucking free and is arrested for some bullshit he didn't even do, accused of stealing some .. artifact of some kind from a museum,"

"Are you sure it wasn't him?"

"Couldn't've been, he was with me, we were on vacation,"

"You took a vacation?" Atem asked blandly, thoroughly disbelieving, but Marik wasn't shrugging off his comment or coming back with a cheeky insult of his own, instead he just looked.. sad, reaching into pocket, pulling out his wallet, and unzipping the change pouch before pulling out a simple but elegant diamond ring and setting it on the table

"Guess you're not the only one telling your best freinemy the shit you never even tell your family, huh?"

"You got married?" Atem asked quietly

"Engaged, but ... we were going to, we ... were going to do it in Vegas, that same week, we wanted to elope, Ishizu wouldn't approve- she still doesn't approve of him- and ... there was really no point in coming back here, Bakura has no family, neither of us exactly have freinds, why wait? He proposed on Friday, we were going to get married on Sunday, he was arrested on Saturday,"

"Oh," Atem said quietly, suddenly feeling ... choked up, pressure built up in his chest, like he wanted to cry

Suddenly all the horror stories he always heard about wrongfull arrests and prejudiced cops and people who were too similar to himself and his husband for comfort getting pulled apart for the rest of their lives were coming true and laying themselves out on the table right in front of him

If either he or Marik had taken just one different step a few years ago, would this be reversed?

Would Atem be the theif asking a cop for help because his fiance` was taken from him based on something so twisted and cruel?

Atem didn't feel like he could fight this anymore

Not because he was honorable, not because he felt guilty or pitied Marik or because of any political alignment but... because if the roles were reversed he knew he'd be doing the exact same thing and he couldn't possibly deny Marik and Bakura what he and Seto were trying so damn hard to scrape together

It didn't matter what they had done, no one deserved to be kept away from love, and... Marik wasn't actually a terrible person, as much as that kind of burned Atem to even _consider_

He had dealt with alot of scumbags in his line of work, and alot of people who were just flat out fucking _evil_

Marik was neither

An asshole, yes, a criminal, for sure, a liar, a theif, and a con artist, but ... none of that made him unworthy of being with his lover

And regardless of what Bakura may or may not have done, it wasn't right to lock him up for something he didn't do

"You don't have an alibi for him huh?"

"Sweetie I _am_ the alibi, we spent all day fucking and sleeping, what was I going to show them for proof? My bruised ass?"

Rubbing his face- his tired, tired face- Atem tried his best to not think about that image

He failed miserably

"Fuck... fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck....."

"For the record, I _am_ sorry to do this to you, I wouldn't ask if I saw some other way,"

"You know, the scary part is I actually believe you,"

"You SHOULD believe me, I'm not what you think I am, Atem, someday I'm going to prove that to you,"

The scary part was, Atem believed that too

"You know, if things were a little different, I bet you and I could actually be freinds,"

"Yeah, well, stop stealing things and putting out murders for hire and we'll see," Atem huffed back, glancing down at an apple danish he had ordered and picking up his fork

He might as well

"What ... do I tell Seto? We've never been apart for an entire night before, not since I moved in with him a year ago, I can't just sneak off,"

"I'm sorry... I wish I could answer that, but .... this is one thing I can't help you with, Atem, you know him better than I do, to lie or tell the truth... I don't know what would be better for you this time,"

 

_"Remember baby boy, it's **always** best for you to tell the truth,"_

_"Yes, Your Majesty,"_

_"So why am I upset?"_

_"Because I lied to you, Your Majesty,"_

_"Exactly,"_

_Don't get him wrong, Atem had never enjoyed punishing subs, but with Seto?_

_With Seto, it was especially heart-wrenching_

_Punishments could be fun at times- atleast, for Atem they could be, though they were never meant to be fun for the one being punished_

_But when Seto was involved, it hurt Atem to punish him almost as much as it hurt Seto to **be** punished_

_"Seto, isn't there a rule in your contract against lying?"_

_"Yes, Your Majesty,"_

_"So you knew it was wrong, but did it anyway,"_

_"Yes, Your Majesty,"_

_"Why?"_

_Understandably, this one seemed a little harder for Seto to answer_

_He may not even know himself yet, why he had chosen against telling the truth_

_"Because... I didn't want you to be disappointed in me, Your Majesty,"_

_Atem pursed his lips, walking over to the sweet boy in front of him and raking his fingers through Seto's hair_

_He had tensed at first, surprised by the contact that the blindfold was preventing him from seeing, but soon relaxed into it_

_"Sweetheart... I'm glad you thought of me, but lying is much worse than your original offense, I would have understood that you forgot to eat again- even if it **was** two meals in a row- it's the lying that disappoints me, you understand that now, don't you baby boy?"_

_"Yes Pharaoh..."_

_Ah, he had switched to the less formal one, he must be relaxing quite a bit_

_"And will you ever lie to me again?"_

_"No Pharaoh, I swear it,"_

_"Good boy, now we can begin your punishment, and when it's over, everything will be better, won't it?"_

_"Yes Pharaoh,"_

_"Good boy Seto, that's what I like to hear,"_

 

He couldn't tell Seto the truth

He had thought it over for hours, but he couldn't tell Seto the truth

He knew that there was just ... no way for that to go well

He knew that Seto would never let this happen, he would never let Atem run off into The Purge- especially _alone_

And... honestly, that's what Atem feared most, Seto following him, insisting on going with him, being back in that awfull place again....

That was the part Atem couldn't handle

So he would lie, he decided

He just hadn't expected Seto to be so damn good at telling the difference


	2. Tear Me To Peices- Skin And Bone; Hello, Welcome Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from Billie Eilish's "Lovely"- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V1Pl8CzNzCw
> 
> Believe it or not I actually intended this chapter to be alot more emotionally brutal

"Hello my love,"

In all this time, Atem still hadn't gotten used to being greeted with such affection

Seto Kaiba was not an openly affectionate person- atleast.... not with anyone but Atem, and even that had taken them so much time to build towards.... even though it had been years, Atem still wasn't used to it

"Hello, my darling," Atem replied softly, forcing a smile as Seto leaned down to kiss his head

But the warm moment didn't last for long, before the officer had a chance to say anything, he was faced with a worried expression from his husband, concern clearly printed against his features

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong," Atem replied far too quickly, wich was clearly not at all impressive to the other man

"Don't do that, what's wrong? What is it?"

Great, now he had just made Seto even more worried...

Taking a deep breath, Atem slowly rose off of the couch, keeping his head down and his eyes averted as he started to slowly pace around the living room

"Seto, I .... I have to go away, for a night, a few days from now, it won't be for long, just a few hours, I'll be back by morning, but I thought you should know,"

"What are you going away for?" Seto asked with concern, still frowning deeply as he took a step closer, arms crossed protectively over his chest, as if he was expecting a blow to his heart

Atem hoped that he didn't give in to that expectation

"It's .. a work thing, I just have to work late, that's all, but if you talk to anyone at the station, they won't know about it, it's a really top secret, undercover thing, I'll even be gone during most of the day so .. I just wanted to warn you ahead of time,"

A flight from Japan to the U.S. was over eleven hours, and the time difference was thirteen hours, Atem hadn't done the math yet- he was too emotionally and mentally exhausted to put his planning skills to use- but he assumed he would have to leave during the work day...

"What's the work thing?"

"I told you, it's top secret, very hush hush, I can't talk about it with anyone,"

"That's never stopped you from talking to me about cases before,"

Damn.... it figured his big mouth would get him in trouble someday....

"It... would be a conflict of interest,"

"What conflict of interest? Something to do with Kaiba Corp?"

"No no, no it's... it's not that,"

"Then what is it?"

"I can't tell you Seto, I'm sorry,"

Seto looked put out, and a bit confused, but he didn't seem _too_ upset

Maybe this wouldn't be so hard to get away with after all

"Is it Marik?"

.. _Shit_

"Why would you ask that?"

"You said it's a conflict of interest but that it didn't have to do with Kaiba Corp, I'm taking an educated guess,"

Damn, he hadn't anticipated that.....

He could continue to lie but .. it may be more believable if he peppered some truth into this

"Yes, it has to do with Marik, but that's really all I can say,"

For a few moments, Seto was quiet

For a little wile, nothing was said, and Atem thought that it was over

He was wrong

Terribly, terribly wrong

"You're lying to me,"

"What? No, Seto, I'm not, it really is about Marik-"

"Not about that, about.... _this_ , all of this, something is off here, you're either lying entirely or you're just hiding something,"

"Seto, you can't be serious, and I really resent that you would accuse me of that,"

"Then tell the truth, the full truth,"

"I can't! You know tha-"

"No, I don't, there's something wrong with this entire picture that you're not owning up to and I want to know what it is, you're a good liar Atem, and a year ago, hell, maybe even a few _months_ ago, I would have believed you, but I can tell now, I can see when you're lying, like you are now,"

"Seto, I mean it, you're on thin ice," he said firmly, hoping that would be enough to make him back down, that maybe that would be enough to make him reconsider his convictions

He should have known that Seto never gave up that easily

"What day are you doing this?"

Taken aback by the question, Atem didn't think not to answer, he never would have thought the date- wich he would have to reveal sooner or later- would have any impact on things

"Saturday, the 21st,"

And that was like nocking down dominoes

Atem could see his mistake the moment it was made

He could see the way Seto's face scrunched up, the emotions flickering across it of confusion, realization, pain, and anger....

"No.... _tell me_ , that you are not doing what I think you're doing,"

"I don't know what you're talking abo-"

"Really, Atem? Really? You don't think that one of the biggest anti-Purge activists in the world doesn't know when the damn thing started?! You don't think I have that date _memorized_!? March 21st is the date that the Americans purge, and you just so _happen_ to be doing something you can't tell me about with Marik on that night!? Please, Atem, tell me I'm wrong, look me in the eye and tell me that I'm going crazy,"

Swallowing tightly, Atem stepped forward, gently taking both of Seto's hands and squeezing them as he stared up into his husband's eyes

"You're wrong, Seto, you're not going _crazy_ but .... you're _wrong_ , I'm not going to purge, I'm not .. having anything to do with that, it's a coincidence, that's all Sweetheart, it's just a coincidence,"

Atem's voice was steady and firm, it was quiet but it was sure, and he may have felt like he was on the edge of an emotional break down, but he had learned enough about how to control his expressions and body language that he knew he _looked_ confident

He prayed that he did

And for a moment, just a moment, he really believed that he did

Seto was quiet, and he was clearly searching Atem's expression for something, for some sort of sign, some sort of tell, but Atem was confident that he didn't have one

Seto leaned forward, letting his cheek press against Atem's, and for a moment, he thought that his partner was about to apologize

" _You're lying,_ "

Atem felt as though his entire world was caving in

He shook his head quickly, heaving in breath after anxious breath as he stepped back and squeezed Seto's hands tighter, staring up at the newly minted expression of sheer hurt and anger on his lover's face, and tried his best to back track

"No... no no I'm not, Seto, I'm not-"

"Stop lying to me!" Seto screamed, jerking his hands away and glaring at Atem in anger

"Why are you doing this!? Why are you going to put everything we have at risk and then _lying_ to me about it!?"

Finally, Atem realized that nothing he said or did could convince Seto that he was telling the truth

There was nothing left now except to gut the fish, to spill it all out on the floor and pray to the gods that somehow everything wouldn't be ruined

"After everything ... after all of the speeches about honesty and trust... you lie to me-!"

"Don't mount that high horse Seto, don't act like you haven't lied to me before too!"

For a second, the expression on Seto's face flashed from anger to sheer and utter confusion, as if he couldn't believe what Atem was saying

That would be a rather accurate description

"About skipping lunch and going to bed on time! About.... being gone all day because I was shopping for your birthday or going out with Yugi to get your fucking engagement ring, not about risking my life to participate in the fucking _PURGE_! How can you even compare the two!?"

"Seto-"

"And this isn't even the first time!! You know until eight months ago I couldn't think of one single incident when you've ever lied to me or ommitted the truth or done something behind my back, not anything besides .. surprise date nights or Christmas presents, but now? Ever since that damn night in July ... it feels like everytime something comes up about this night you do something behind my back!"

"Seto, that is **NOT** true! You have to know me better than that, you have to have more faith in me-"

"I DID! I had _nothing_ but faith in you, more than I've ever had in _anyone_ , and until now you've lived up to that, but how can I continue to trust you if you're lying to me about something this important!?"

"Seto please-"

"What does he have on you?" Seto suddenly asked, wich seemed to have been enough to catch Atem off guard and silence him for the moment being

"Marik, what does he have on you?"

"He doesn't have anything on me,"

"Then why are you doing this!?"

Atem took a deep breath, inhaled through his nose, exhaled through his mouth

Calm....

He needed to calm down

Emotion would only make this problem worse

"Seto... can we talk about this? Please?"

"Fuck no,"

"Please! I want- .... I _need_ to explain to you what's going on,"

"And you think an explanation is going to change how I feel?"

"No," Atem answered honestly

"But I- .. I still want to be honest with you,"

"That's new,"

"Seto I'm trying to make this right!"

"Only after I caught you in a lie that you can't get out of!"

Arguing wouldn't help, he knew

His only choice was to accept it

Hanging his head, Atem swallowed hard and wrapped a hand around his upper arm, biting his lip

"You're right," he said quietly

"You're right, and I'm sorry that I lied, I shouldn't have done that, I should have been honest, but I'm asking you, please, as a favor to me.... atleast hear what I have to say,"

Swallowing hard, Seto slowly moved to sit down in the chair across from the couch, his eyes narrowed, a hurt, angry expression still displayed on his face as Atem slowly moved to sit on the couch

"Do you.... remember me telling you that right before we met.. I was in therapy for a wile?"

"I do,"

"Well, as you know, my therapist and I.. we became quite close, after a few months Mahaad stopped being my doctor and started being my freind, and I started to truly care about him, so one day, during that breif period of time falling .. after my therapy and before meeting you, something happened to him, and I .. I had to help him, because he was my freind and I cared and you know how I am with freinds,"

"What happened Atem? How does all of this connect back to Marik?"

Atem took a deep breath, long and slow, and stared at the floor

"It ... it just started with lunch....."

 

_"Good afternoon Ayame! Could you let Dr. Sahar know I'm here with lunch when he's out of session?"_

_The receptionist looked a bit concerned when she stared up at Atem, wich was his first hint that something was terribly, terribly wrong_

_"Oh... Dr. Sahar isn't here today,"_

_"Oh.... well that's alright, I can come back tommorrow,"_

_"He won't be in tommorrow either," she said gently, looking truly sympathetic when she saw the rather devastated look beginning to sink into Atem's features_

_"What... what happened? Why..?"_

_"I'm not sure of the details, he said that there was a family emergency and he would have to be out for the next week or so, b-but if you need a session, Dr. Kuchiki is available, and she's marvelous!"_

_"That's.. alright, thank you, I just came for a personal visit, I'm fine, but do say hi to Dr. Kuchiki for me please? Tell her congrats on the engagement,"_

_So over the past few months Atem **may** or may not have gotten to know the office ... better than he strictly wanted to admit_

_It felt weird even to him that he knew a random doctor's office better than he knew some of the people on his own force, but you can't help who you gravitate to, and Mahaad's co-workers were all absolute **angels** , he couldn't think of **one** of them who he had met and didn't instantly enjoy the company of_

_"I'll let her know, see you when Dr. Sahar gets back then Atem!" Ayame smiled politely waving as the officer headed quickly out of the office_

_He wasn't about to let this go so easily_

_Something was wrong, and if he couldn't talk to Mahaad here, there were other ways to track him down_

 

"Wait a fucking minute, _PLEASE_ tell me that you didn't look up this man's address because he had a family emergency," Seto frowned tensely

Even he thought that was pretty creepy and when it came to invading privacy his standards weren't actually all that high... not in a _bad_ way but... well when your husband is a cop, sometimes it's _necessary_ to track his phone

Sometimes it's just good business practice to hack into your enemy's private email account and look for anything that could be used against them

Sometimes there's no other _choice_ but to hack into your husband's best freind's phone and reprogram his personal schedule for the sake of springing a surprise on him...

The point was, Seto wasn't exactly the reigning king of privacy himself but even by his standards Atem had crossed an enormous line into disturbing territory

"Firstly, don't act like you haven't done _far_ worse, and atleast I have the legal means to do it, _M.K._ , and secondly, don't phrase it like that, it sounds creepy-"

"Because it _IS_ , and how long have you been waiting to spring that vague Orphan Black reference on me?"

"Since you called Yugi and I 'Clone Club' two years ago and started this bullshit, and it isn't creepy, you don't know the entire story,"

For now, _just_ for now, he was going to drop the rediculous BBC sci-fi references and focus on the fact that his husband may or may not have stalker tendencies

"I can't imagine a version of this story where any of this is ok,"

"Then clearly I didn't start in the right place, a couple of months before that, when Mahaad and I first started our personal relationship, I learned some things that .. made me believe he would need my help, in case of a 'family emergency'..."

 

_"Aaah, I haven't had ta'amiyas this good since I was a child!!"_

_"I'm glad you like them," Mahaad noted with a small, warm smile_

_"Where did you get them?"_

_"I didn't, I made them,"_

_Atem's eyes were wide, slowly swallowing his food as he took in that information_

_So not only was his new freind kind, generous, intelligent, compassionate, and definitely the best therapist he had ever met- not that he'd met many but still- but now he was a great cook too!?_

_"Wow... you really have it all don't you?"_

_Mahaad seemed to be amused by that, shaking his head and sipping his coffee_

_"I really don't,"_

_"Filthy liar," Atem teased playfully_

_"Trust me, there's more to life than a degree and knowing my way around a kitchen,"_

_"Yes, like being a good person, wich you are,"_

_Mahaad only shook his head, though Atem couldn't tell if it was in disagreement or simply trying to wave off the compliments_

_"I'm just glad to find another person who appreciates authentic Egyptian food, this may strike you as surprising, but there aren't many people here who do,"_

_"What, you mean here in Japan, in a very urban city? Wow, wonder why," Atem joked, sipping on his drink_

_"Really though, any time you wish to cook food from home, I _urge_ you to include me in the tasting process,"_

_"'Home' huh? So you were born in Egypt?" Mahaad asked curiously_

_It was actually kind of funny, for all that they had discussed in Atem's sessions, his family and childhood actually hadn't come up that much_

_He supposed though, that concerning the subject matter, it wasn't that likely to in the long-run...._

_"I was, my father and I moved here for his job when I was still in grade school, it's... weird, I guess, I've spent the vast majority of my life in Japan but I still call Egypt 'home' even though I barely remember it,"_

_"You must have had fond memories there," Mahaad pointed out_

_"I .. had my mother there, and she was **entirely** fond memories so I suppose so yes... she passed away when I was a toddler, we moved a few years later,"_

_"It.. sounds like 'home' is less of a place and more of a person,"_

_"I suppose," Atem shrugged casually_

_It had been so long since he had spoken about his mother...._

_It felt weird_

_"Were you close with your father too, or just your mother?"_

_"I was closer with my mother but I had an alright relationship with my father, he was distant, I.... think I reminded him of my mother too much, they were very in love, from what little I know about their relationship,"_

_Mahaad nodded slowly, taking a bite of his food_

_"Mahaad... you aren't trying to turn this into a session are you?" Atem asked with a smirk_

_"Me? Never, why would I do that during my free time?"_

_"Because you **liked** are interesting, that doesn't mean I want to dissect you like a frog,"_

_Atem wrinkled his nose, not sure if he should believe that or not_

_One thing he had learned quickly about Mahaad was that he had the most dry sense of humor of anyone the officer had ever met, and he had an impenatrable poker face_

_Mahaad could tell an enormous lie right to Atem's face and he would never know, probably_

_"I'm just happy to have you in my life, Atem, in whatever form you choose, and I'm more than happy to cook for you as well, as I'm sure you can understand, my colleagues and other freinds don't have the same enthusiasm for Egyptian cuisine that you do, I take it it's your favorite?"_

_Atem's face was a little red, his heart beating a bit faster than he would have liked to admit_

_He wouldn't go so far as to say that he had a crush on Mahaad or anything like that but... he certainly valued their freindship in a way that was somehow... **different** from his other freinds.... he just didn't know how or why_

 

"You had a crush on him, didn't you?"

Seto didn't sound judgemental or accusatory, hell if anything he sounded more... understanding, almost _sympathetic_

Atem wasn't sure what thought process he was having that made the change from angry to sympathetic, but he was going to try not to question it for now

"No, I don't think it was a crush, it was just... special, you don't understand what it's like, Seto, to be a foreigner who's so vastly different from everyone else and ... grow up never seeing anyone like myself in my home.. it goes beyond just skin color, I ... have never known anyone but Mahaad and the Ishtar clan- of who, at that point, I only knew Ishizu, and even that was a very casual acquaintanceship- who worships my gods, who knows my home cuisine or speaks my native language... what Mahaad and I have is special, and he's an amazing freind who I love from the very bottom of my heart... but it isn't like that,"

Seto nodded slowly, seeming to settle a little bit more as he leaned back and crossed one leg over the other, no longer in the more defensive, legs-open position, his anger was clearly simmering, maybe by the end of this story Atem could actually have a calm, reasonable discussion with him about this...

 

_"It isn't actually, my favorite would be American or Italian, or .. maybe Mexican... but Egyptian has an emotional quality to it that makes me feel it's special beyond what I consider to be my personal favorite taste,"_

_"All these flavors but Japanese is missing," Mahaad noted playfully_

_"Oh don't get me wrong, I like Japanese food, it's just... I'm allergic to seafood, so-"_

_"You are?"_

_Now that seemed to take the doctor by legitimate surprise_

_"Yes?"_

_Was that unusual or something?_

_Mahaad chuckled quietly at that, grinning a little at his new freind_

_"You must have been a pharaoh in a past life,"_

_"Hm? Why do you say that?"_

_"In ancient Egypt fish was considered to be an unclean food for commoners, so noble people never ate it- especially pharaohs,"_

_"Really?"_

_Atem had to admit, that was actually kind of ... neat_

_He had been suffering with this damn allergy for most of his life, it was nice to hear that there might actually be a positive association with it too_

_...._

_Well, ish, depending on what one considers "positive"_

_"That's really cool... and even cooler that you believe in past lives, I didn't expect that of you, didn't you say once before that you're oldschool Khemetic?"_

_"I am, but ... I've always had a soft spot for believing in reincarnation, I'm not entirely sure why,"_

_"Mother always said that when you feel that way about something, it's probably true," Atem grinned playfully, finishing his lunch_

_"Perhaps, I must ask though, can't the same question be directed towards you? As I recall, you've mentioned the Egyptian gods a few times before,"_

_"Ah, yes, but I'm oldschool Khemetic-Pagan, or .. atleast I think I am, quite honestly I'm still trying to map it all out, maybe I'm just Pagan with several of the Egyptian gods in my pantheon, it's .. alot of work to figure out this sort of thing,"_

_"I'm confident that you'll succeed though," Mahaad pointed out with a small smile_

_"Well thank you, still though, religious details aside, it's ... amazing that life brought us together isn't it? Truly a doing of fate, how else would it be that two Khemtic first-generation Egyptian immigrants in Japan just so happened to meet? And to be so close in age and similar in taste..."_

_"Not to mention being gay," Mahaad agreed with an agreeing nod of his head_

_Though, upon seeing the look of surprise on Atem's face, he must have suddenly remembered that Atem had never actually **told** him that before and quickly called it into question_

_"A-Ah.. was I .. not supposed to know that?"_

_"Oh, no no it's fine, I've never even been closeted for a day, but I'm afraid your assumption is wrong, I'm pan, not gay,"_

_"Oh, my deepest apologies then,"_

_"Don't worry about it, really, I'm just impressed you noticed, and you're right, adding another layer to this cake of coincidences, we're both queer, how incredible is **that**? The only other queer people I know are my partner and our best freind, who he recently began dating, they're both bisexual, so .. it's always nice to come across another queer," he noted, his eyes sparkling with joy as he moved a little closer to Mahaad_

_"Are you out?"_

_"I'm... not exactly screaming it from rooftops but .. yes, I am,"_

_"That's so great," Atem beamed with excitement_

_"I'm sorry, I hope this isn't ... weird, I just..-"_

_"It isn't, you're excited to meet someone who's so similar to you, there's nothing weird about that,"_

_"I'm glad to hear that," Atem said with a sigh of releif_

_"I'm ... really glad that I'm not alone in this, you know? To finally meet someone else besides Yugi and Jou... I don't know, it gives me hope, I'm not .. **jealous** of them, I'm happy for them, but I do wish I had someone of my own,"_

_"You'll get someone, you.. are so full of love, Atem, it pours out of you like water from a faucet, wich is a dangerous thing, because when you love you love deeply and tirelessly and with an intensity that will hurt you because other people .. they don't always love that way, other people can be fickle, but it **also** means that you will find love easily, you just have to take care to make sure the person you fall for is one who can love you with the same intensity that you love them,"_

 

"I think it's safe to say that I managed to accomplish that,"

He hoped that the light teasing would help, Seto's lips quirked up, but his expression was still mostly grim

"There is no one in any fucking dimension who will _ever_ love another soul as much as mine loves your's Atem, wich is exactly why I can't let you do this crazy shit-"

"Woah woah- _let_ me?"

"Poor choice of words but the sentiment is the same,"

"Seto, what are you going to do? Lock me in the panic room until the Purge is over?"

"Oh you mean like what you tried to do to me!? Actually yes, that sounds like a pretty good fucking idea!"

"You know that won't work, I'll find my way out just like you did and I won't forgive you for it,"

"Oh, come now, Your Majesty, we both know that's not true,"

Atem bit his tongue, holding back from saying something else he didn't mean

Seto was right, there was nothing Atem wouldn't be able to forgive him for

Seto could go on a fucking killing spree and Atem would just help burry the bodies

That probably sounded... extreme, and cruel, and unhealthy to most people, but Atem didn't see it that way

He didn't see it that way because he knew that if _he_ ever went on a killing spree, Seto wouldn't even _hesitate_ to pick up a shovel

Sure, the "ride or die" mentality was usually warped into something abusive and distorted, but that didn't mean it didn't have roots in something genuine

"I love you, Atem," Seto said quietly, reaching out to gently take Atem's hands and give them a small squeeze

"I love you, please don't ... don't leave me a widow, please,"

"Widower, the correct term for a male is widower,"

"Ok, don't leave me a fucking widower _Velma_ , happy?"

Atem merely shook his head, squeezing his husband's hands gently

"Seto just... just let me finish explaining, please?"

"Fine, just try to get to the point, I'm starting to think your aim is to put me to sleep with this story,"

Atem knew that bitter snipping was just due to his irritation with the situation, and he was trying not to take it personally

He still hoped that Seto would understand by the end of this though

 

_"I hope you're right, Mahaad, and I know for certain that you'll find someone too, someone who sees you for every bit as special and magnificent as you are,"_

_"Maybe, but I'm ok with being alone for right now, I'm in no rush for a relationship,"_

_"Oh and there's nothing wrong with that!" Atem said quickly, not wanting to be misperceived as thinking there was_

_"I just- .. I really ... want to be with someone, and I want to have kids, preferably before I'm **too** old... but that also worries me, what if I fall in love with a man? There's .. no way to have that here, Japan is progressive in some ways but ... behind... on others, I don't want to choose between love and the future I've always desired,"_

_"When that time comes and you truly love someone, and your .. breeding hormones are all stirred up, you'll do what you have to do to have what you want, you'll leave if you have to, and you won't look back,"_

_"It can't be that easy," Atem scoffed_

_"It was for me,"_

_Of all the things Atem may have expected to hear...._

_That was not one of them_

_"You...?"_

_"That's how I came to live in Japan, right after I turned eighteen I fell in love with a Japanese man who was visiting Egypt on vacation, we were ... smitten, I thought that we were in love, I had already been ... itchy... to leave, due to my sexuality, I knew I could never be happy there, when I met Kurosaki, I thought .. well I foolishly believed it was a fairytale romance come to life, don't get me wrong, it was the hardest thing I've ever done, especially to leave my cousin, who is also gay, but .. she was only fifteen at the time and there was nothing else I could have done, even with how difficult it was, in a way, it was easy to make the decision to leave, I knew it was the right one, so I moved here and learned Japanese, I went to school and got my degree ... our relationship lasted for about six months, as I said, love can be fickle, but I don't regret my choice, I have more freedom here than I had there by far, when you have that held in front of you, Atem, when you have the chance to have everything you want in front of you... you'll take it, I promise you that,"_

 

"So you assumed his family emergency had to do with this gay cousin?"

"I knew it did, not long after we were discussing family, he told me his cousin Mana was the only family he had left, he had been telling me here and there since that incident that he was worried about her, Mana is very open-minded, expressive, and vocal about her opinions, he had worried for some time that she would get in trouble because of that,"

"So let me guess, she was arrested for something innocuous she did regarding her sexuality?"

"You're good at this game," Atem agreed with a nod

"I had hoped that I could help but ... there was nothing I could do, Mahaad left for Egypt that day, Egypt had instated the Purge just a couple of years prior to this, as luck would have it, their Purge night was-"

"Right after he left?"

"Right again,"

"And he was going to break her out and smuggle her back here,"

"Three for three,"

"How does this connect back to Marik though?"

Atem stretched out a little, rubbing his neck tiredly

"At the time Marik was in transition between Egypt and Japan, he had alot of his business planted here but it was all ... what I assume is the yakuza version of equity, he didn't have any papper really, all of his cash was tied up in the expense of expanding his 'empire' to Japan, so he went back to Egypt at the same time to steal a few easy targets on Purge night, give himself enough start-up cash to move here once and for all, get a house, a car, that sort of thing, not to mention to get his boyfreind out of there, like I said before, at the time I didn't really know Marik, I'd heard of him but he was vice's problem, not homicide's, I did, however, know Ishizu, and I knew who she was related to, I told her about Mahaad and Mana, about my concerns, I asked her to call in a favor to Marik, for him to make sure that they got back here safe, and out of trouble, I knew he'd be able to accomplish that, Mahaad is a very talented man with many skills but... smuggling people into the country likely isn't one of them,"

"Understandably, so let me guess, he brought your freinds back safe and sound and now you owe him,"

"Yes, but... I'm not going to do this because I owe him,"

"Then why? Blackmail?"

"No, no..... it's because he needs me to,"

Seto seemed entirely unimpressed

"Wow, just when I thought the excuse couldn't get any more stupid,"

"Seto I'm serious! Marik has always been there for me, as much as I hate to admit that, he's ... he's never once let me down when I needed him, now he needs me for something and I'll be damned if I let him down now! And it isn't just that, it's- .... he wants me to help him break Bakura out of prison, for a crime he didn't committ,"

"Oh sure, I believe that one,"

"They're engaged Seto, they're _US_ , Seto,"

That actually managed to shut his husband up, albeit breifly

"I don't follow,"

Pursing his lips, Atem rose up from his seat and moved to sit directly in front of Seto on the coffee table instead, taking both of his hands and squeezing them again

"Seto if ... if I had taken just one step differently than I had... I could be where Marik is right now, and I know that if our positions were reversed... I would want him to do this for me, how can I deny him something I would ask of him too? Marik and Bakura are theives, yes, and they have killed people, yes, but ... but they're also just two guys who love eachother who are trying to take care of eachother,"

"Atem," Seto said firmly, his eyes hard and steady

"I appreciate that you have this 'love all of humanity' thing, it's part of you, I love that about you, but you _can't_ keep letting it control your decisions, and you can't save everyone, you can't help everyone, I have tolerated ALOT of bullshit because of your freinds, now you expect me to risk losing you for your ENEMIES?! Where does it END?! I already sit on pins and needles every day knowing that every phone call I get might be _The One_ , that one that every cop's spouse is fucking dreading every moment of their lives, you give yourself, and you give yourself, and you give yourself until there's nothing left, and I'm not innocent, I know that, I take from you, I bleed you dry-"

"Seto-"

"No, I know that I do, I suck away your attention and your love and your fucking... _light_... like a fucking vampire, and you let me because of some fucked up reason that only a paid professional can probably figure out-"

"It isn't like that-"

"-but it has to END somewhere Atem! What are you going to do when we have kids? You can't keep giving all of yourself to everyone else, THEY are going to need all of you, and I'm sorry... but I am NOT going to let you leave me, you said 'as long as we both shall live' and I'm not letting you cut out on that deal early!"

"I also said 'and an eternity beyond that', dumbass," Atem teased playfully, but Seto wasn't even close to amused

"I can't believe you," he said quietly, standing up and pulling his hands away, wich hurt Atem far more than words ever could

In all of their relationship, Seto had never pulled away from him like that

For someone who had been so averse to touch when they first started, he had quickly grown so accustomed to it that he craved it constantly, Atem was always the one who had to pull away first, for Seto to yank his hands away like this...

It felt like a vow being broken

"I can't believe you would really do this, right when things are going well! _FUCK_ Atem!" he screamed, taking a few steps away and stroking his hands through his hair, frustration beginning to boil over again as he paced around the living room

"I can't believe you're asking me for this,"

"I am not ASKING you for _ANYTHING_! I am TELLING you that I'm going to do this! I could never live with myself if I didn't!"

"Are you... are you fucking kidding me!? You can't live with yourself!? You can't live with yourself for not traveling to a foreign country- the cradle of idiocy, mind you, that SPAWNED this damn death day to begin with- and breaking a convict out of prison to smuggle back here so Marik Ishtar can fuck him!? Of all the things you've done, _that's_ what you can't live with,"

Atem stood up slowly, the color draining from his face, looking more and more hurt the longer this drew on

"What do you mean... 'of all the things I've done'?"

"I don't mean it like that, don't twist my words,"

"I'm not twisting a damn thing, that's what you said!"

"That's not what I MEANT! I just- .... FUCK! You _know_ what I mean! You've killed people, Atem, so have I, we've both done things that would have landed us with life sentences if the circumstances had been different, we're burried in this grave together, but that doesn't change the fact that people are dead because of us and yet you somehow can't live with yourself if you don't release a murdering theif so that MORE people can die!?"

"Technically, there's never been any proof that Bakura has killed anyon-"

"Do you even HEAR yourself right now?!" Seto screamed

"You are defending the same man you've been trying for years to put in prison! You're willing to risk your life for him and his accomplice! Not to mention, you know, _smuggling him into the country_ , but I guess you're going to use your privileges as a cop to alieve you of _that_ problem,"

"Are you implying that I'm a dirty cop?"

"No, I'm SAYING that this wouldn't be the first time you've used your privileges under your superior's nose, I know, Captain America, that you're just using them for good deeds but you're still using them,"

Atem exhaled slowly, his tongue brushing against the back of his teeth irritably, arms crossed over his chest, shifting his weight as he glared at his partner

"You know that I know that you're connected to the mob, right? I mean... you do _know_ that without my fucking _privileges_ it would just take _one_ persistent cop to charge _you_ with a few things, don't you?"

"Oh please, I'm cleaner than that, and 'connections' doesn't mean 'business', they'd never get anything on me,"

"Wouldn't they?"

"No, they wouldn't," Seto replied confidently

Atem hissed out an irritated breath, mostly because he knew Seto was right

If his husband wasn't flinching then he really must be clean...

"I'm sorry, Seto, but you aren't changing my mind,"

Seto was quiet for a moment, a million different variations of pain and frustration flashing across his face, until Atem started to believe that he was going to cry

"GOD _DAMMIT_ Atem! You are NOT Superman! The world is not resting on YOUR shoulders! Let someone else be the martyr for once!"

"I could say the same to you," Atem hissed back, taking a step closer, his own expression projecting sheer venomous anger

"Anti-Purge this, Anti-Purge that, I get it, Seto, you're full of guilt, you're trying to stop something you THINK you caused that you had NOTHING to do with, you're doing that! But FUCK! You keep putting all of this shit on me about risking _my_ life, putting _my_ self in danger, _me_ being a martyr, do you know how fucking upset I get _EVERY_ single time you make some speech or go to a rally!? Do you have any idea how much Pegasus scared the shit out of me!? FUCK, sometimes I wish Marik hadn't capped his ass just so you wouldn't keep throwing yourself in front of the bulldozers! If I'm Superman, you're Batman, for every BIT of my fucking hero complex you sure have alot of guilt to go with it,"

"You can't mean that," Seto breathed quietly

"Actually I do, you'd make a pretty damn good Burce Wayne-"

"About PEGASUS you fucking EGG! You can't possibly mean that you wish he'd ruined our lives!"

Atem went quiet, inhaling deeply for a moment and blinking back tears- or, trying to, atleast

"90% of the time I absolutely don't, but that 10%... that 10% when I .. I see how many people are out for your head? When I see how many enemies you keep making? When I watch you .. ram your head against this fucking brick wall expecting it to change and .. and making a MESS of yourself when it doesn't.. that 10% when you're begging me to punish you because you can't end the thing you never started in the first place? ... Yeah, I _absolutely_ do,"

There was a finality to that, something concrete that seemed to settle between them

An unstoppable force meeting an immovable object

Atem wasn't changing his mind, and neither was Seto

Atem had issues, and so did Seto

There wasn't an in between here, just an empty chasm full of hurtfull words that they would never be able to fill

"So that's it then," Seto said quietly, shifting his weight, staring at Atem with an expression full of hurt

"That's it," Atem confirmed

For a few moments, they were quiet, before Seto finally exhaled and leaned against the chair behind him

"So... who walks out here?"

"Neither of us 'walk out', we resolve this like adults," Atem huffed back

"How do we resolve something that there's no solution to? All we're going to do is keep hurting eachother, I'd rather _die_ than let you out of this country next week, you'd _obviously_ rather die than _stay_ ,"

"I wouldn't go that far," Atem huffed, leaning against the arm of the couch and perking Seto's attention

".. So... that's it then? I win? I'd push it further than you would so I win?" he asked hopefully

Ah.. Atem sort of hated to crush his hopes and dreams like this...

"No, there's ... there's no 'winning', this isn't a competition Seto,"

"Why the fuck not? It feels like one,"

"Because if it was a competition then I deserve a damn trophy for dealing with you," Atem teased playfully

"Bitch," Seto huffed irritably

"Jerk," Atem smirked back

"Don't quote 'Supernatural' at me, I'm mad at you,"

"Oh come on Seto, this is what we always do, we use humor and pop culture references to communicate because clearly neither of us are stable enough to do it otherwise, that's why we get along so well, what's that saying? Your demons play well with mine?"

"Right now my demons want to tear your demons a bunch of new assholes,"

"You know what? I'd let them, I deserve it this time, I can admit to that,"

Seto huffed again, a look of utter disbeleif on his face

"So if you know that you're being an asshole and you're in the wrong here, why are you STILL fighting me like this? Fuck, I'm willing to call it a draw and never speak of it again if you stop this crazy Purge shit!"

"Because I can't do that, Seto, it's that simple," Atem said quietly

"I know I'm not right, I know I'm .. I'm being a bad dom, a terrible husband, a horrible person.. for putting you through this, and asking you to stand by and let me do something I would _never_ let _you_ do- and, for future reference, I can say that because I'm your dom, the rules of marriage and the blasphemy of the word 'let' do not apply- but... but I can't ... I can't let it go, I can't explain it, I saw Marik's ring and it ... I don't know, I felt like I was staring at myself from eight months ago and I was depending on Marik to save you .. and he did, how the hell could I look him in the eye and tell him I wasn't going to return the favor?"

"How about you break him out of prison on a normal day then? You're a cop, he's a yakuza boss, I have 'connections', surely we could work something out that doesn't involve Crazy Murder Night,"

Atem smiled weakly, sympathetically, and gave a small shrug of his shoulders

"Sorry baby,"

"And don't quote Killing Eve either, I'm _still_ mad at you,"

"Seto what do you want me to say? Wait- ... don't answer that, I can't .. I can't do this, you're right, I'm trying to be Superman, but .... how about this?"

He paused, turning around and moving closer to his husband, reaching out and gently taking Seto's hand

"In Supergirl, when Lois Lane gets pregnant, she and Clark Kent decide to go to Argo to raise the baby for the first few years, and they leave Earth in the hands of Supergirl, when we move ...... when we move, we'll make a clean break, ok? I'll .. I'll retire the cop stuff, this will be my last act as Superman, I'll retire to Argo so you can have my babies, and we'll leave Earth in the hands of Supergirl and Lena Luthor,"

Seto was fighting an amused smirk, he knew it, he could see it, but his husband was holding firm

"I hope to whatever gods you worship that you're not intending to mean Yugi and Wheeler because in that case Earth really _is_ doomed, Wheeler's as much Lena Luthor as I am Dorothy Gale,"

"No you're much more an Elphaba Thropp... or maybe the Tin Man," Atem smirked back, wrapping his arms around Seto's neck

The CEO sighed loudly- heavily, and wrapped his arms around Atem's waist

"Ok, fine, I give up, you win.... but I'm coming with you,"

Immediately, Atem's smirk dropped, replaced by a surprised but firm frown

"Ha, _no_ ,"

"Oh. Fucking. YES. If you're going to risk your life for Harley and The Joker, then you're not doing it alone,"

"Seto this isn't a negotiation, it's-"

"What? A Ricktatorship? You aren't the only one who can make relevant sci-fi references,"

"Well I wouldn't call The Walking Dead sci-fi... and that's not the point! I am not negotiating with you, I am going, you are staying, and although Bakura does remind me more of The Joker, his relationship with Marik is much more Poison Ivy related, so-"

"This is my only deal Atem, this is the only way you're going without finding yourself in a panic room for two days,"

"Try it and I'll divorce your ass,"

"Bring it on then asshole, I'm not giving up on this, you want one last Superman moment? Batman goes too, no fucking arguments,"

"Seto, what about your stance on the Purge? Won't it be pulled into question-"

"We're doing all of this in secret aren't we? We'll wear masks or something, we'll blend right in, you're not getting out of this one Atem, either it's World's Finest or Death Of Superman, your fucking choice,"

Atem sighed loudly, his head lulling back, eyes rolling miserably

"Gods I regret ever starting this reference war..."

"So you admit it was your fault,"

Atem didn't seem amused

"Even Superman had to let Lois go with him to save the multiverse during Elseworlds, and she was _pregnant_ , I'm decidedly not so,"

.. Alright, he was a little amused at that one

Eyes narrowing, Atem tightened his grip around Seto's neck and pulled him closer, staring deeply into his eyes and exhaling tiredly

"Fine, if this is the only way to do the right thing... then fine, but we're taking the Bat Jet,"

"Yeah, I saw that coming two hours ago,"

In the end, neither of them were exactly happy with the decision...

But when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object, the only choice left is for both of them to compromise


	3. You And I, We Were Born To Die

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from Lana Del Rey's "Born To Die"- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bag1gUxuU0g
> 
> I also highly reccomend this Born To Die/Mad World crossover that I was listening to wile writing alot of this chapter https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DwmScC_VdpY

_"Could you do it?"_

_Seto paused, his spoon in his mouth, slowly licking the ice cream from it as he turned his attention to Atem_

_"Could I do... what?" he asked slowly, the sounds of The Walking Dead playing on in the background, atleast for the moment_

_The officer grabbed the remote, pausing the DVD and turning around to face his lover on the other end of the couch_

_"What they're doing, could you kill a bunch of strangers in their sleep if you thought it would protect your own people? Your family?"_

_"I think it's more complicated than that but... yeah, I could do it,"_

_Atem seemed somewhat surprised, at first, moving to put his empty ice cream bowl on the coffee table_

_"You sound so confident, you answered so quickly,"_

_"I'm confident because I know it for a fact,"_

_"You say that- everyone says that, everyone thinks that- but you don't know until the moment the gun is in your hands and then what? Can you really say without a shadow of a doubt that you could pull the trigger?"_

_"Without a **shadow** of a doubt," Seto promised, plopping the spoon back into the bowl and setting it on the table to give Atem his full attention_

_"I have done things for my brother already that I will never tell you about, because they were... they were bad, they were .. **catastrophic**... but I did them, however, I get the feeling that you're asking for more than just... the purpose of debate though,"_

_Surely enough, Atem rose slowly from the couch, moving to straddle Seto's lap and loop his arms around the CEO's neck, staring down at his chest, not meeting his eyes_

_"What if .. I killed someone? To protect someone I loved? What would you think of me?"_

_"No differently than I think of you now," Seto answered, confident as ever as he slowly wrapped his arms around Atem's waist, hugging him closer and staring up at him with confidence_

_"I think that you'll do anything to protect the people you love, and I would do the same, and I don't think we can be blamed for that,"_

_"So that's it then?" Atem asked in confusion, finally raising his eyes to stare into Seto's, his fingers playing gently with the ends of his hair, tilting his head and narrowing his eyes, surprised by the answer_

_"You don't need to know who I killed or who I was protecting or why I was doing it? What the circumstances were? Nothing?"_

_"Nothing," Seto confirmed immediately_

_"I trust you Atem, and I trust that you did what you had to do to protect the people you love, I trust that you'll **always** do that,"_

_Atem, somehow, didn't look nearly as happy as Seto assumed he would by that answer_

_Not that it changed anything- Seto was being nothing short of completely honest, but it was still.... **curious**_

_"I did kill someone, you know, I've killed..... Seto, I'm .. I've shed more than my fair share amount of blood,"_

_"Hasn't every cop?"_

_"Not like this, it's not... like that,"_

_Seto's eyes narrowed, and he moved one hand up to gently cup Atem's face_

_"Do you believe that you did the right thing?"_

_"You know it's funny, my therapist asked me that question once too,"_

_"And what did you say?"_

_"I said that I did, that I still do,"_

_"Were you being honest?"_

_For a moment, Atem was quiet, he inhaled, then exhaled, and his eyes turned hard_

_"Usually, but sometimes... I worry that I'm just a bad person, I worry that .. I'm just .. a **selfish** person,"_

_"Well you're not selfish, I know that much," Seto promised, stroking Atem's cheek with his thumb_

_"I can't tell you if you're a bad person or not, that's subjective, but I know for sure that if you're a bad person, then I'm a **monster** ,"_

_Atem smiled softly, a somewhat sad smile on his face as he leaned forward and gave Seto a tight but gentle hug_

_"I love you Seto," he said quietly_

_"I love you and I'll never let anything happen to you.... no matter what I have to do to keep that promise,"_

 

He remembered the night he promised that

It was before they got married

Before they got engaged

Just ... a completely random night, following a completely normal day

But it was one that stained his memory, imprinted there like a brand from a hot iron

Seto was so willing, so .. completely .. _committed_ to him, to believing him, even though they had only been together for a few months at the time

He had been so confident in that promise when he made it, and he was still confident in it now, he believed that he would do anything to take care of Seto, anything to protect him, but he had to wonder...

Was he doing that now?

Was he keeping that promise, now that he was insistent on not only going to the Purge himself but agreeing to take Seto with him?

Shouldn't he have called Marik last night and called it quits when Seto said that he would tag along? Shouldn't have done it before then? When he first realized that he was hurting his lover?

Something was wrong

Something was wrong even though everything had been going so _right_ lately and he needed to know what it was

His fingers tapped on the steering weel, staring anxiously up at the medical building across from him

On the third floor, down the left hall, in a small office with burgundy carpet and orchid wallpapper, Mahaad was sitting, waiting for his next patient

He would give good advice, Atem knew

He would help any patient that he came across, of that, Atem was confident

He was sitting inside, waiting for his next patient

...

But that patient wouldn't be Atem

The light turned green, he stepped on the gas pedal, and the medical offices passed him by

Mahaad would help his patients, but Atem felt as though he couldn't help... _this_

Not in one session, not in one hour, not before Atem fucked everything up

He drove a little further and turned down the appropriate street, swallowing tightly as he pulled into the parkinglot and quickly parked, turned the engine off and slid out of the car

It was March, and it was cold, and the wind was hitting his face like pin pricks as he shoved his hands in his coat pockets and walked towards the bar, stepping inside and approaching the bar tender immediately, glad that the rest of the building was empty

"We're closed," the bar-tender said immediately, not even looking up from the glasses he was cleaning

"I'm not here for a drink, I'm here for a snack, and I cannot fucking _believe_ that's Marik's code phrase, Odion, please tell him that I'm disappointed,"

The larger man glanced up blankly, nodding before disappearing through a door a few feet away from the bar

Atem's jaw tensed and he climbed up on one of the hightop chairs, dragging his hands over his face and sighing quietly

His head hurt

His mouth hurt

His stomach hurt...

That fight with Seto was by far the biggest they'd ever had and although they had ended things amicably, although Seto woke him up with kisses like he always did, told him he loved him like he always did, took a shower with him and shared breakfast with him and told him that he was the most beautifull part of his life like he always did....

Atem didn't feel like things were they way they always were

Maybe Seto had forgiven him, but he hadn't forgiven himself

He didn't sleep most of the night

Once the passion of that fight had died down, the gravity of what he was doing started to settle in

He hadn't cared when he had believed he was going to America alone, he hadn't thought anything of it past wanting to get his way

But now that he _had_ his way and knew the cost, he was starting to realize just how much pain he had caused to get it, and feared how much more he would cause in the future

Something was wrong, he worried, something in that fight- .. no... something since he had first had that conversation with Marik yesterday...

It was as if something had been dredged up that he had spent years burrying and he was terrified of what it was

He needed to know, and he only knew one person who could help him find out

"Ahh Atem! So nice to see you! I hope you aren't here to tell me that the deal is off because, you know, _then_ , I'd have to kill you," Marik grinned playfully as he spun a pistol between his fingers and excitedly approached the officer

"I'm not, actually quite the opposite, I ... I need your help,"

"Oh, gee, what _ever_ could I do to help you, Officer? You know, on top of the things I've already done, how many times have I _directly_ saved an ass related to your's? Three now? Four?"

"I need help so that I can help Bakura,"

All of a sudden, the teasing demeanor died, and Marik was left solemn and serious

"... Come wih me,"

Atem didn't question him, he knew that he would be safe with Marik, Marik needed him desperately, he was safer here, now, than he was anywhere else in the city

Other than Kaiba Corp, ofcourse

He followed the yakuza back through the door he had emerged from, following him down a small hallway and then into another room

It was large and relaxing, with a desk against one wall and a long, leather couch against the other

It was a mob office he supposed, but it wouldn't stop amusing him how much it reminded him of Mahaad's office

The carpet and wallpapper were so similar, the desk too, the couch only different in being leather and not fabric

It was .. funny

"Sit, let's talk," Marik insisted, shutting the door behind him and grabbing his swirving chair from behind his desk, dragging it out into the center of the room and placing it in front of the coffee table, leaving the small table the only thing between the chair and the couch

"What is it that you need from me?" he asked, flopping down in the chair and crossing one leg over the other

Atem sat down on the couch slowly, taking his coat off and letting it fall behind him

He needed a moment to .. phrase it correctly

"I need to know ... I need to know .. if I'm doing the right thing, I need to know if I'm .. doing what I should do,"

"Don't you think my opinion is a little biased?" Marik asked in legitimate confusion

"Yes, but I'm not asking for your opinion, I'm asking for my own,"

"... I'm afraid I don't follow,"

"I want to know if I have a good sense of right and wrong," Atem explained

"I've tried asking people that I think are good and I don't know if I can believe them or not, because I don't know how to be honest with them, I'm too afraid of being .. judged, and abandoned, but you .. I can be more honest with you than I've ever been with anyone, I need you to yank the truth out of me, like .... like pulling a bad tooth, no matter how much it hurts or how ugly it is, I need you to, or I don't know if I can do what you need me to do,"

"Not that I'm opposed to this ... but isn't this the sort of thing I brought your therapist back for a few years back?"

"Yes and no, I can't .. talk to him like this, I can't be brutally honest with him, he's my freind, he's someone I respect, he's a doctor.. I respect him too much, I'm too afraid to let go, I'm too afraid that he'll ... think that I'm a bad person, but if you think I'm a bad person that won't matter because-"

"Because I'm a bad person too?" Marik concluded

"Well.. I would have said it more tactfully than that but yes, you're a mob boss, you're a liar and a theif and a cold-blooded murderer who killed a man right in front of a camera and seemed unphased... what could be so bad about me that it would make you hate me?"

"Hm, I have a list, but I doubt anything you've done is on it," Marik shrugged back easily, one elbow resting on the arm rest of his chair, his fist up as he boredly rested his cheek against his fingers

"You know, if I do this, I won't hold back, you want me to pull this out of you like a rotten tooth? Then I hope you're not expecting Novocaine,"

"I'm not," Atem replied quietly, his voice breaking slightly, but his resolve was undiminished

"I want all that you can give me, Marik, if I break .. I'll break, but I can't keep questioning this, I can't keep .. going back and forth with this moral dilemma... if I'm good then I need to be confident in that, if I'm bad then I need to be able to own it and stop kidding myself, and if I can't do either of those things then I'm a hypocrite,"

"My methods are unconventional... last chance to back out,"

"I'm not going to do that,"

Marik smirked, excited and borderline sadistic, as he rose to his feet, dragging the chair back again and walking over to a bookshelf in the corner, wich, upon pulling one of the books out, Atem soon realized was a door, leading to a small closet

Huh, maybe not so much like Mahaad's after all...

"Sit in the chair, put your arms on the arm rests and lean back,"

Without hesitation, Atem pushed himself off of the couch and obeyed

"You know that this isn't healthy, right? What you're asking for, it isn't a healthy way of doing this, you should really consider asking a therapist to sort you out, or a dominus, or ... hell probably anyone but me, I get why you're doing it, but this is just the veiwer discretion warning that this isn't a healthy way of learning about the deep dark secrets burried inside you,"

"I'm well aware Dr. Ishtar, thank you," Atem huffed, earning a small laugh frm the other man before he asked another question

"Can I ask what brought this on? When you left yesterday, you seemed confident, if a little irritated,"

"Seto found out the truth, we fought, it was .. it was the worst fight we ever had and all night I couldn't stop thinking about it and it _scared_ me, how I behaved .. scared me, I thought I was agreeing to your deal because I was a good person but if I'm hurting the one I love so much then .. is that really true? If I'm hurting the people I love the most, and if I'm .. going against my own moral code by doing that, then am I really a good person?"

"And this matters to you so much? Being good?" Marik asked curiously

Atem wanted to look behind the chair to see what Marik was doing, but he resisted, atleast for now

He felt like it would be a violation of some sort if he did

"It's what I based my entire life around, so many of my decisions are based on my beleif of what's good, I know it doesn't always align with what other people think is good but .. but I have to believe that when I do something, it's the right thing to do,"

"Huh," Marik hummed, sounding like he was perfectly caught between boredom and interest

"I can't say I was ever plagued by that need, my life's goal has been _survival_ for so long that I'm not really sure what it feels like to live by some self-imposed moral _code_ ,"

"You say that, but you do live by one Marik, you don't hurt people who you believe you have to hurt, and you believe the Purge is bullshit as much as I do, if you were truly as unethical as you say, those things wouldn't be true,"

"Oh I never said I was unethical, I just said I don't live by a moral code," Marik shrugged, finally shutting the closet door and making his way back to Atem

"I think you're kidding yourself Marik," Atem replied softly

"Maybe, but this is about you, not me, so I'll let you dissect my brain later, hm?" he suggested, setting a bag down on the coffee table and starting to unload it

"You know, Bakura is the one who taught me how to do this, I've been using on it on and off on some of my .. _employees_ .. ever since, and even a few employees that aren't mine, ended up turning them to my side though,"

"I see, and what exactly is ... _this_?" Atem asked slowly, watching with growing concern as Marik set spools of rope and a blind fold down on the table, before setting his bag- wich was still visibly full of other things- down on the floor

"Ah, no, you don't get to know that, ruins the point,"

"You know I'm married, right?" Atem asked hurriedly as Marik grabbed one of the spools of rope and started to loop it between the armrest of the chair and Atem's wrist

"Don't worry, I'm not going to do anything that you can't tell your husband about,"

"You sure about that? Because this seems pretty fucking kinky to me,"

"Mm, no, see if this was kink, you'd get a safeword, but as it is, no such thing, I don't need- or _want_ \- you to trust me, this isn't about healing or making you feel good or giving in to whatever gets you off, you aren't supposed to leave this feeling _better_ than you do now, this is about scaring the shit out of you and making you willing to say anything- including the truth- to make it _stop_ , you're going to leave here feeling absolutely horrible, if I do this right, but you _will_ have the answers you want,"

Atem swallowed tightly as the rope continued to go around his wrist, finally coming to a stop as Marik began to tie it off

"You know this sounds like the kind of Bad Dom garbage that's featured in Fifty Shades Of Bullshit, right?"

"It would, if I was dominating you, but you don't seem to get it," Marik said, stopping once the rope was secure over one wrist and suddenly pulling his gun out of his belt, pressing the barrel hard against Atem's head

"I'm not fucking dominating you, I am _torturing_ you, got it? This isn't a scene, this isn't for pleasure, I am doing you a _favor_ by going _easy_ on you but most of the people I do this with don't leave with all of their teeth, understand? You aren't supposed to enjoy this, Atem, or come out of it better off, you're supposed to regret ever coming in here, and you're supposed to fear me the same way a child fears the boogeyman, tell me you understand,"

Atem clenched his jaw, inhaled sharply, but finally gritted out a quiet answer

"I understand,"

"Good, glad to hear it, see how I intentionally avoided using something sweet like 'good boy'? Wouldn't want you getting all soft on me- or.. hard, in your case, I guess," Marik snickered, grabbing the other spool of rope and starting to tie down Atem's other arm

"I have to admit, it's so much easier doing this to someone who's awake, you're the first person I've tied up who was conscious and willing! Well aside from Bakura I mean,"

"Marik, are you ASKING me to arrest you?" Atem sighed tiredly

"No, but I figure by this point in our relationship we have a sort of... diplomatic immunity with eachother, you can't arrest me and I can't murder you, we need eachother too much, co-dependency!"

Atem rolled his eyes, but he couldn't really argue, Marik sort of had a point, by now, if Atem tried to arrest him for anything, it would be too sticky...

Marik finished tieing off his other hand, then grabbed the blindfold and paused in front of his .... acquaintance

"I know I said you wouldn't get a safeword.... but I also wasn't kidding before about torture, I am a _master_ getting the truth out of people and it can get very intense, even if I promise not to do you any permanent damage ... look, I know you don't like me, Officer Amyr, but I like _you_ , and I don't want to hurt you, not seriously anyway, I don't want to .. fucking cause PTSD or some shit, so here's the deal, give me a safeword, and if you need me to stop, use it, but I warn you, if you do, I'm stopping, and I won't start again, it's your one time use, get-out-of-jail-free card, ha... how ironic is that?"

Atem wanted to argue but....

He knew how important a safeword was, even though this was _meant_ to hurt him, it still could go too far and cross boundaries that Atem could never be comfortable with....

"Dragon," he finally decided

"It's dragon,"

"Oh, is that Kaiba's? Cute,"

Atem's mouth opened, huffing indignantly as Marik moved to tie the blindfold on

"It... it is not!"

"Yes it is, he's got a damn fetish, it's obvious, it's cute, but .. out of curiosity, why use his and not your own? Doms have safewords too don't they?"

"I thought, in this case, it would be easier to remember," he said quietly

Whenever he was hurting the most, he thought of Seto as a coping mechanism, he hoped that wouldn't fail him now

"Huh," was all the response Marik would give him

And now that the blindfold was secure....

"Ok, we're going to start easily, think of me as a human lie detector," Marik said simply, stepping back around to face Atem

"What's your name?"

"Atem Amyr,"

"What's your married name?"

"Really? We're still going on with this?" Atem huffed, gasping when he suddenly felt Marik's hand fly out and grab his face, squeezing tightly

"I ask the questions, you answer them, the next time I have to tell you that, I won't be so gentle,"

Atem swallowed, suddenly beginning to understand this ... "game"....

"... Atem Amyr-Kaiba,"

"Good, was that so hard?" Marik purred as he pulled away

"What's your job?"

"I'm a Domino City police officer,"

"Why?"

"... Why... what?"

"Why are you a police officer?"

"Because I- .. that's what I've wanted to do since I was a child,"

"Why?"

"To protect people,"

Marik shifted again, and a moment later, he suddenly had Atem by the hair, jerking his head back sharply

"Why did you want to be a cop?"

"I just told you! To protect people!"

Marik pulled harder

"Why did you want to be a cop?"

"To protect people!"

Letting go suddenly, Marik back-handed Atem across the face, not hard enough to seriously hurt him, but enough to make his point- enough to _warn_

"Why did you want to be a cop?"

"To protect people!"

For a moment, everything was quiet, save for the sound of Marik's feet on the floor as he stepped back to face Atem, then his fishing around in the bag..

And the next thing he knew, something cold and metal was pressing against his cheek

"This is a dagger, Atem, and if you keep lying, it's going to go somewhere inside your body, I said no _permanent_ injury... not that I wouldn't stab you," he said casually

"So, why did you want to be a cop?"

"To. Protect. People."

The blade was gone for a short moment... before Atem could feel the tip pressing into his clothed thigh

"Last chance, why did you want to be a cop?"

Shit... shit shit shit shit shit....

Atem didn't know what he wanted, he was answering the damn question honestly! Why didn't Marik believe him!?

"I wanted to protect people..."

"What a shame," Marik sighed, moving the dagger and placing his free hand on Atem's nee, shifting his weight down on it as he raised his other arm into the air

"I really didn't think you'd make me do this so early on,"

And just as Atem felt Marik's body shift for the dagger to stab down-

"It was for my mother!" he shouted suddenly

...

Breifly, there was a pause

"I'm listening," Marik finally said

"My mother... she was murdered when I was a toddler... I vowed then that I would.. I would protect people like her from that moment on.. that I would protect my _family_ from that moment on,"

"So it's not about protecting just any normal people, it's about protecting your family specifically,"

"Yes,"

"And how well have you done that so far?"

"... Not well, my father died of an illness when I was sixteen, my freinds keep ... finding themselves in dangerous situations, even my husband had to save my ass because I couldn't protect them .. I can't protect anyone,"

"Is that how you really feel?"

"Yes,"

"But you keep trying?"

"How could I do anything but? They're my family, I love them, I can't just let them die... how could I do anything less than everything to protect them?"

"So it's ok for other people to die if it means keeping them safe?"

"I.. I wouldn't say that,"

"You might not say it, but you believe it, come on.. it's ok to tell me, I feel that way too you know, I don't care who has to die to keep my loved ones safe, I think everyone feels that way, only complete idiots like Spiderman would really choose to save a complete stranger over, say, the love of their life,"

"I don't... I don't know if I believe that..."

"You sure?" Marik asked casually, pressing the tip of the blade to the soft flesh right above Atem's ribs, under his arm

"Alright, I do! I do! I would kill for my loved ones, and I wouldn't regret it,"

"I think you mean you _have_ killed and you _don't_ regret it,"

".. Yes," Atem hissed, exhaling with releif when Marik pulled the blade away

"How many people have you killed?"

"I .. honestly don't know, I wasn't exactly counting during Purge Night,"

"Fair enough, do you regret any of them?"

"No,"

"Not even one?"

"No,"

"Not even the one that got you sent to therapy?"

".. No,"

"Huh, interesting, because you know, if you hadn't met Mahaad, you and I wouldn't be so freindly, I probably never would have asked you for this favor, you still don't regret it?"

"No, I still don't,"

Marik hummed, evidently in appreciation, and went quiet for a short moment

"You know if you hadn't saved your freind Joey that night over the summer, none of this would have happened, your life would be as it was before, there would have been so much pain you and your husband could have been spared... do you ever regret it?"

"No,"

"Not for a minute? A second?"

"Not even one, Joey is my freind, my _family_ , I'd never trade the life of a family member to be spared some pain,"

"Not even your husband's pain? This was your fight Atem, not his,"

"I didn't ask him to get involved, I tried to keep him out of it,"

Marik slapped Atem in the face- again, not hard, not more than slight sting- and then yanked him forward by the shirt collar

"That's not what I asked you, is saving the life of your freind- someone Kaiba didn't even care about- worth your husband being in pain?"

"You can't compare-"

"Answer. THE QUESTION!" Marik shouted loudly, suddenly pushing the chair back hard- hard enough that it tilted back, only being kept upright now by the hand he had wrapped around the bottom of one of the armrests

"Yes!! Yes! Yes .. yes.... it's .. it's worth it, to keep my family alive, it's worth any amount of pain, even ... even when it isn't mine,"

Wordlessly, Marik uprighted the chair, giving Atem a few moments to catch his breath and calm down before asking another question

"Do you regret killing his father? Your freind's?"

"No,"

"Why did you do it?"

"To protect him,"

"Ha... fuck, you .. you lie more than I do," Marik said with a humorless laugh, fishing into his bag again

Atem swallowed tightly, tensing when he felt the head of a hammer press against his neecap

"I'll tell you what, I'll help you with this one, because even I know this answer- did you really do it to protect him? Or did you do it because some part of you, maybe even just .. a small part of you, was angry? Angry at him, for putting you in that situation, for risking your life- your, at the time, fiance's life, your freinds' lives... angry at him for abusing your _family member_ all those years.... angry that he wasn't getting justice served to him? Could it be that you really just wanted revenge?"

"Both," Atem said quietly, his shoulders sagging, his head lowering, sinking slowly into the chair, though he wasn't sure if it was out of resignation or disappointment in himself or... understanding, or acceptance... he wasn't sure

"And it felt good, didn't it? Killing him, it felt damn good, didn't it?"

"Yes, it did,"

"Does it typically feel good?"

"I .. don't have much experience outside of the Purge so I can't really say but .. sometimes it does, yes,"

"Do you ever consider indulging that .. good feeling? Scratching the itch? Touching that .. _intimate_ spot?"

"Killing, you mean? No, I really don't, I would be happy not to ever kill again,"

"Hm... you know, I actually believe that," Marik noted, evidently sounding surprised

"Alright, if you had gotten me on the phone back in New Zealand, would you have asked me to kill Pegasus?"

"Yes,"

"Are you glad that I did?"

"Yes,"

"Mm... and helping me rescue Bakura, do you really want to do that?"

".. I don't know, I want the result, but .. I don't want to go through what will get it, and I don't want to lose my husband- not... in any way, I'm worried that I will if we go through with this, but I can't say no either, because it feels like this is the right thing to do somehow and I feel like if I don't help you I'll regret it for the rest of my life, I'll feel like a hypocrite and a traitor, and I don't want to feel like that,"

"Does it matter to you what your husband feels is the right thing to do?"

"Yes,"

"But when it conflicts with your opinion on it, you go with your's, don't you?"

"... Yes,"

"So you would rather put what you think is right above your family's happiness?"

"I-"

"Honesty," Marik reminded him quickly

".... Yes,"

"And you'd put it above their safety?"

"... Yes,"

"Above their lives?"

"No,"

"Really? Even after Purge night when you risked so many of their lives? Even your husband's?"

"That wasn't my cho-"

"It doesn't matter if you wanted them involved or not, you knew that if you went, he'd follow, the only way you could have been sure of his safety would have been to have left, but you didn't, you traded his safety for someone else's, you were willing to trade his life for another,"

"No!! I'm not willing to trade Seto's life for anything!"

"But that's what you're doing! That's what you're doing, Atem, you're gambling with his life and if you don't end up winning this hand, you will lose, and you will lose him,"

Atem went quiet, allowing those words to rest on his shoulders

"How often does the right thing to do conflict with your family's safety?"

"Not often... a few times,"

"How often does your family win?"

"... Every single time, except this one,"

"Why? Why is this different?"

"I .. I don't know, because in some ways, we're too similar, you and I, your fiance' and my husband, our .. relationships, our positions, I keep seeing you in the mirror and I can't ... I can't be that person that takes away your light, I can't .. take away your Seto Kaiba, I can't ignore what's happening, and I can't ignore the gut instinct I have that I need to help you, that not helping you is wrong, and I ... even when I know logically that something might be wrong, I don't usually get this strung up about it, I don't usually have this feeling like... it's wrong, it's just my brain telling me that, rather than my heart, but now I have the strongest gut impulse that it would be wrong not to help you and I don't know how to resolve that, I don't know what to do.... this isn't usually how things work for me and I- ... I'm terrified,"

Marik found himself smiling a bit sadly, a bit sympathetically, as he slowly reached out and took the blindfold off, setting it aside

"Do you know what I think? I think you're a good person, Atem, I think you're a wonderfull person, who priorities protecting the people he loves because you know the same thing I know- that this is a horrible, fucked up world, and if you don't protect them, no one else will, you're chaotic good, congratulations, just like me," he said softly, moving to sit on the edge of the coffee table in front of the officer

"I think you're a good person, but that doesn't matter, what matters is what _you_ think, do you think you're a good person?"

"...I want to be, but I'm not sure anymore,"

"Because you're not sure about risking your husband to save mine? Well, my future husband anyway,"

"How do you know-"

"Please, I only had to meet Seto Kaiba _once_ to know that if you put yourself in danger he's not going to rest until he follows, he's coming with you, isn't he?"

Atem's jaw tensed, and he looked down again

Once more, Marik felt a strange amount of empathy for the struggle Atem was experiencing, and he reached out, gently cupping the other's face

"Is this all? Is this the only thing making you question if you're good or bad?"

"No," Atem breathed quietly, his eyes slowly flicking upwards

"You were right earlier, I did enjoy killing Joey's father, I don't know if I've enjoyed killing anyone before that or not, the Purge... it was such a blur ... and before that I just - ... I think I've tried to forget what happened before all of this started, but it felt good, killing him, and I wouldn't have hesitated for even a second to ask you to kill Pegasus, Mahaad told me once that killing someone and feeling nothing would make me a monster, so what does it make me to have enjoyed it?"

"The same thing it makes me, whatever the fuck that is," Marik smirked back

"That's just it, how do you do it? How do you kill people and feel good about it and not hate yourself for it?"

"Because I've never cared about being good," Marik answered simply

Atem didn't know what to make of that

"Look, the very fact that you don't feel good about feeling good is proof that you're more moral than I am, that you're good, but again, this isn't about what I think of you, it's about what you think of you, so what do you think of you?"

That was a good question

Atem wasn't sure how to answer

"I told Seto that after this, I'd be done," Atem said quietly

"I told him that when we move away, I'll quit being a cop, it was part of our compromise,"

"And are you happy with that decision?"

"I'm .... indifferent, it's sort of like... when you know something is going to happen, but you can't feel it, as though I know it's a fact but I don't believe it, it hasn't sunk in yet, I suppose,"

"Let me rephrase that- are you ok with having made that decision? Do you really think you'll be able to be happy that way? Living some suburban life with your kids and your rich husband? Putting all of this dirt and grime behind you and .. living in one of those .. woefully plain worlds where the only bad things happen on TV and the only monsters live on TV? Do you think that can make you happy?"

"Why can't it? I'll have Seto, I'll have children, a nice life, a family... that's all I've ever wanted, why wouldn't that be enough?"

"Because sometimes it isn't, I could have gotten out you know, when I left Egypt, I could have .. quit, being in organized crime, I could have come here with fake credentials and gotten a respectable job, or lived on my sister's couch and become a nurse like her- she offered, you know, I couldn't accept- I could have, and I could do it again, next time, when Bakura and I leave here and get married, I could ... but I won't,"

"Why not?" Atem asked in confusion

"Why would you _choose_ this life?"

"Because I'd be bored without it, I love Bakura, he's my world, and if he asked me, if he... if he really, _needed_ me to give it up, I would, but choosing it? I can't, I can't be bored, that's the thing about people like us, we're always looking for one more fight, we can never say no, we can never step back and be satisfied turning our backs on the ugliness of the world, we always have to have one more... one more... one more... even when things are going well, even when we're happy, come on Atem, I know you're a fan of superheros, how often do any of them really retire? Black Lightening, Antman, Ichigo Kurosaki... they get these outs, these opportunities to turn their backs on the lives they once had full of danger and supervillains and bullshit... they had a chance to be happy without it and each time... every single one of them... they got bored, they couldn't stand it, so they went back, damning everyone and everything around them if they had to but they went back, maybe you'll be like that, maybe you won't, but do you think you can be happy without this?"

Atem thought about that for a long, long moment, unwilling to answer right away

But finally, after carefull consideration...

"I'm not a superhero, and this doesn't give me a thrill,"

Marik's smile was hard to read, Atem couldn't tell if he believed him or not

"Are you a good person, Atem?"

Atem took his time answering that too, his jaw tense and his eyes trained forward on the man sitting in front of him, not looking down, not ashamed, not anymore

"Maybe, I ... am a flawed person, I make mistakes, and I still don't know if I should be doing what I'm going to do, but I make the decisions that I think are right, and I do what I have to do to protect my family, maybe that's not 'good', but .... it's _right_ ,"


	4. Are You Hurting The One You Love? You'd Like To Stay In Heaven But The Rules Are Too Tough

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from "Are You Hurting The One You Love?" by Florence + The Machine https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C8XUrKbFQCI

_"How do you tell right from wrong?"_

_Atem glanced up from the book he had been reading, offering Seto a small, reassuring smile as he nodded for his boyfreind to sit down on the couch next to him_

_"When it isn't obvious? Usually it's a gut feeling, and when that doesn't work for me, I try to weigh the consequences, I try to consider what would hurt the most people, and if that option is ultimately worth the outcome that it would garner,"_

_"What if ... what's right causes you some personal loss?"_

_"Well I still try to do it anyway, unless this particular 'right' thing causes harm to the people I love, then I have to put it into .. better consideration,"_

_Seto nodded slowly, settling on the couch next to his lover_

_"Why do you ask, sweetheart?"_

_"There's a property downtown that my company is bidding on, there's an associate who wants to build a store there, the partnership would do wonders for the company, it would be like... like a Duel Monsters exclusive storefront, Kaiba Corp would have a stake in it as well as being able to sell our products there, the associate in question is very... **particular**... and doesn't want to build anywhere else,"_

_"But?" Atem guessed_

_"But... there's someone else who's bidding on it too, a charity organization, they want to build a homeless shelter there, there's not alot of places they can afford downtown and this one in particular... it's barely in their budget, but it's big enough for what they need, if Kaiba Corp raises our bid, they'll lose,"_

_"You .. know that I love seeing your company flourish, Seto," Atem said softly, reaching out to loop his fingers with his partner's and give his hand a soft squeeze_

_"But I think you know what the right thing to do is,"_

_"It .. isn't really a question of letting them have it, it's more... I'm not sure if I should withdraw our bid completely or not, I want them to have the property but I worry that if I make it obvious then I'll come off as ..... I don't know... **weak**.... or something, to other potential associates, I always have to look like I have the biggest balls in the room and if I do this then ..."_

_"Why not just keep your bid leveled then and not raise it anymore?"_

_"Because right now they can't outbid us, only match us, even if we don't raise it-"_

_"They might still give it to you based on your company's name," Atem concluded quietly_

_"Right,"_

_Atem smiled gently, giving his lover's hand a small squeeze_

_"I still think you know what the right thing to do is, you don't need to prove your strength to anyone, your reputation is outstanding, and even if this hurts things with a few associates, I think being shown as charitable is an entirely different kind of strength, you might attract some new associates because of it," Atem reasoned with a gentle smile_

_"Yeah... I suppose you have a point there," Seto nodded slowly, glancing down at the smile that had perched it's self against Atem's lips_

_"You're a good person Seto, and you have a beautifull heart and soul, I don't think you really need my help deciding what is and isn't the right thing to do," he promised, leaning closer and giving his boyfreind a loving kiss_

_Seto exhaled quietly, his shoulders sagging as he closed his eyes and allowed himself to indulge in the kiss_

_"I hope you're right," he said softly_

_"I am, but if you ever **do** need my help again, you know that I'm here for you, right? There's nothing you can't ask for my help on, you know that, don't you?"_

_"I know, Your Majesty," Seto promised softly_

_"I know..."_

 

"Oh, Mr. Kaiba, this is quite an unexpected visit,"

Seto swallowed, his jaw tense as he curled his fists, his nails pressing hard against the insides of his palms, making little crescent moon shapes in his skin as he stared a the man in front of him

"I need to talk to you about something,"

Eyebrows raising, the man stepped aside and gestured to the open door, inviting the CEO inside

"Not like that," Seto corrected quickly

"I have something I need to tell you about, Mahaad,"

 

_"Shit!!"_

_Fucking rain.... there had been no report about this at all and Seto had checked the weather forecast atleast three times today alone_

_"This is really ... just our luck, isn't it?" Atem laughed from beside him as they ran through the pouring rain_

_"Of all times for it to rain... ofcourse when we're covered in leather and make up,"_

_Seto huffed playfully, rolling his eyes as he gently but firmly tugged Atem out of the street and pressed them both up against a building behind him, just barely making it under an aunning to get them out of the rain_

_"That **does** sound like our luck," Seto agreed_

_He knew, to be fair, that an outdoor costume party couldn't possibly go well_

_One of Atem's freinds wanted to turn his birthday party into a costume party and have it in a park near the woods_

_Atem thought it was a great idea but Seto had hesitated_

_Now they were just trying to escape from the rain and get a signal to call for a car_

_The price of Seto wanting to look like a jackass and "impress" Atem's freinds by arriving in a limo he supposed_

_"I told you you should have driven, it would look more authentic anyway," Atem noted, taking off his red leather coat and staring down sadly at the rest of his drenched outfit miserably_

_"You've informed me, though, if I remember correctly, **I** said that we shouldn't have come out in **September** in **leather coats** ," Seto huffed back, shrugging off his massive leather trench coat- **ugh** \- and trying once again to get a cell signal_

_"You're the one who was in a Buffy mood but didn't want to crossplay,"_

_"Well to be fair it isn't my fault that Willow and Tara never have any attractive outfits," Seto grumbled with a roll of his eyes_

_"Not true! Once More With Feeling had some pretty snazzy outfits,"_

_Seto paused, turning to stare at his boyfreind with raised eyebrows, a slight chuckle leaving his throat_

_"Did you really just use the word 'snazzy'?"_

_"Hm? Yes, why?"_

_He wasn't even going to dignify that with an answer_

_Instead he just put his cell phone back in his pocket and stepped closer, cupping Atem's face and staring down into his eyes_

_His make up was running here and there, what wasn't waterproof anyway, his wig looked like a big blonde drowned rat sitting on top of his head, and Seto could clearly see his nipples through the thin fabric of his shirt_

_Atem looked like a fucking wreck, basically, wich apparently was the most amusing thing that Seto had ever seen, considering how much he began to laugh_

_"W-What!? What are you laughing at!?"_

_"Nothing,"_

_"No really, what is it? Do I look hideous? Because you have **hair dye** running down the sides of your face,"_

_"I know, I know," Seto laughed, stupidly running his free hand down the side of his face and shaking his head as blonde temporary dye came off along with it_

_Fucking hair wax...._

_"I just... I love you, I love you so much," he said softly, his expression soft as he dragged his thumb back and forth over his lover's cheek_

_"You... you love me?"_

_This was the first tiem he had said it, that either of them had, and it was probably far from ideal for circumstances but..._

_But Seto didn't care_

_He couldn't help it_

_He had just ... he couldn't help feeling so very **in love** in this moment_

_Looking at Atem and seeing just how wrecked he was but still thinking, with immediacy and pure sincerity, **"Dear gods, you're beautifull, my gods.. I love you"**..._

_That could be nothing but pure love, right?_

_"I love you," he repeated softly_

_"I've never loved anyone aside from my brother ... but you... I can't put it into words, I don't know if 'love' is strong enough but .. there is nothing I wouldn't do for you, nothing I wouldn't do to keep you safe, and to keep you with me, nothing I wouldn't do to be with you... I love you,"_

_Atem was quiet for a beat, for a moment before moving forward suddenly and wrapping his arms tightly around Seto's neck, hugging him tightly and leaning back only enough to give him a long, slow kiss as the rain poured around them_

_And his make up was running, and his clothes were sagging, and Seto was covered in temporary hair dye but...._

_"I love you," he promised back quietly_

_"I love you so much Seto, I promise to always keep you safe,"_

_Seto nodded slowly, letting his head rest against Atem's shoulder for a moment_

_"I'll keep you safe, Atem.... I will always do **anything** I have to do to keep you safe..."_

 

"Ah, Mokuba, is Seto here?"

Glancing over his shoulder, Mokuba shook his head and turned around in his swirvy chair

"No, he hasn't been in all day, I've been calling him but his phone is off,"

"Yes, I've noticed," Atem muttered quietly, wrapping one hand over his upper arm and biting his lip

"Did something happen between you two? You're both being weird," the younger Kaiba observed

"I- .... we had a fight, I just .. I want to apologize to him, and .. I want to propose that we speak again, perhaps we can come to a .. a different conclusion, a better compromise,"

Atem still didn't feel right about everything

Even though he still felt that he needed to keep his promise to Marik, the way things were now...

He couldn't be ok with this, he needed to talk to Seto like an adult without lying or getting defensive or fighting with him

He had fucked up royally last night and even if Seto forgave him, he couldn't forgive himself until he was sure that things were right between them, and they had settled on a solution that they could both agree with

"I can track his phone if you want?"

"No that's ok, I'll just wait for him here, he's been gone all morning, you said? He should be back soon then,"

Seto never stayed away from the office for too long, his longest out-of-office meetings and errands never took longer than a few hours

"Ok, wanna wait in my office with me then? I was just doing some design work, I can keep you company,"

Shrugging peacefully, Atem nodded and slid into the chair in front of Mokuba's desk

He always enjoyed his brother-in-law's company, it was... _nice_

Mokuba was mature and easy to talk to and they had struck up a nice freindship with eachother fairly early on in his and Seto's relationship

He was happy for that, he knew that not everyone got along with their spouse's siblings

"So what was the fight about?"

"Mokuba, I'm not telling you that," Atem chuckled softly, knowing that it wouldn't be a persistent question- or, atleast, he hoped it wouldn't

"Oh come on, you can trust me, was it about where you guys are moving to?"

Now that actually took Atem by surprise, his mouth opening slightly as he stared at his brother-in-law

"I- .. Seto... told you about that?"

"No but it was an easy guess, you guys want kids right? You guys can't have them here, so you have to go somewhere else,"

Atem's lips pursed, eyebrows narrowing

"I can't talk about this, it isn't my place, you're Seto's brother, it should be his right to tell you,"

"But I already know, it isn't hurting anything to talk to me about it,"

Somehow, Atem wasn't sure about that

".. It had nothing to do with that,"

"Really?" Mokuba asked in surprise

"Then-"

Before he could continue that question, the office door slammed open, drawing both Atem's and Mokuba's attentions towards the intrusion

"Yugi?"

In the doorway stood his partner, looking nothing short of absolutely furious, greif-stricken, and terrified

An awfull blend of emotions that sank not only into every corner of his face, but every vein in his body

"You... fucking idiot!" he screamed suddenly, running forward and jerking Atem's chair sharply closer, taking the other officer by such a surprise that he audibly gasped, pressing himself against the back of it

He always knew that his partner was surprisingly strong for his size, but it never ceased to take him by pure amazement all the same

"Yu-"

"What's the matter with you!? What the fuck is wrong with you!?" Yugi screamed at the top of his lungs, prompting Mokuba to get up and edge around the other side of the desk so that he could close the door to prevent anyone else from hearing all of this

"Yugi what are you talking about!?"

"You made a deal with the devil, THAT'S what I'm talking about!" the smaller officer shouted

It only took a matter of seconds for realization to dawn on Atem's face, and evidently, Yugi saw it the moment that it did

"How could you do that Atem!?"

"Seto told you.... I can't believe he told you...."

"This isn't about Seto!!" Yugi screamed

"This is about you and your motherfucking martyr complex or hero complex or whatever the _FUCK_ is wrong with you! You have everything... _EVERYTHING_ and you're going to throw it all away to go play Superman!? I can't believe you!!"

"Yugi, this isn't about you-"

"No you're right, it's about my PARTNER, and it's about my FIANCE`!!"

Now... _now_ Atem was confused

"No... no this isn't.. about Joey either-"

"It is now, your fucking husband made sure of that,"

Atem swallowed tightly, slowly standing up and forcing Yugi to step back in order to let him

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about Kaiba calling us to breakfast and telling us what you did, and now Joey is gone! We .. we went back to work together and at first he seemed alright but .. but then he just took off! Tristan had to tell me, he came up to my floor to ask if I knew why Joey had left and .. when I asked what he meant, he said that he had run off out of the blue and said that he had to 'fix his mistakes'!"

"Yugi... Yugi this doesn't mean-"

"Yes it does!!! I went to Marik myself, I asked him, he said that Joey volunteered himself to take your place and go help him with his STUPID fucking jail-break plot if he let you out of the deal and left you here!"

"Aibou that doesn"t make any sense! Marik said that he needed me for my status as a cop _and_ Kaiba's jet, I-"

"Apparently he changed his mind," Yugi bit venomously

"I can't even track where Joey went because he left his phone at the station, and Marik sure as hell isn't telling me! As if it wasn't bad enough that you were risking YOUR life again- wich, by the way, I'm already _furious_ about- this has now blown back on Joey and his guilt over what happened last summer, he's going to get himself killed!!"

His eyes narrowed, tears starting to run down his cheeks as he stared at his partner

"I cannot believe you did this Atem.... to us, to Kaiba, to _yourself_.... after everything.... but that's a conversation we can have later, right now, you have to fix this, you opened the goddamn can of worms, now go put them back in,"

Yugi was right....

As much as Atem hated to admit it, Yugi was right

He had to fix this before it got any worse, it was getting too out of hand...

"What would you like me to do?"

"Go talk to your husband before he opens his big fucking mouth to somebody else about the mess you're making, I'll try to find my fiance`,"

"I can help," Mokuba offered immediately, rising to his feet

"I'll help you find Joey,"

"Thanks Mokuba," Yugi said sharply

Atem swallowed, inhaling tightly

Yugi had never spoken to him this way before... they had never had a serious fight before at all, actually

He was still a little stunned by it in all honesty

"Mokuba I... I think I'll need you to track your brother's phone after all,"

"I can do that," Mokuba promised quickly, turning back to his computer and giving Atem and Yugi another moment together

"Yugi... I cannot apologize enough for causing all of this... I really can't,"

"No, you can't," Yugi clipped in return

"... But I know you were just trying to do the right thing and I can't entirely blame you for that either, I know how you are- I'm not _ok with it_... but I do know it," he reasoned quietly, leaning against Mokuba's desk and crossing his arms over his chest

"I know you were never trying to hurt anyone Atem, I know that you were just trying to do what you thought was right, but you have to start realizing that you can't keep people safe by constantly throwing yourself into the middle of every dangerous task you have in front of you, sometimes the right thing to do is to do nothing at all, hell... sometimes the right thing isn't worth it if it puts your family at risk, hasn't that always been what you've believed? Do what's right, unless it endangers the ones you love? You can't do that if you're throwing yourself into the fire all the time, getting yourself killed won't accomplish anything Atem, not anything good, it'll only make everything worse,"

Atem swallowed tightly, blinking back tears and staring down at the ground

"I .. I can't explain it Yugi, I don't know why, I just-"

"You don't need to explain anything, you just have to know that this is a mistake, and you have an opportunity to fix it- so fix it, please... please, Other Me, before things get worse, we could help Marik some other way, if you had talked to everyone about this sooner maybe we could already have an idea in place, but .. that doesn't matter right now, please, just.... just help me get my fiance` back, and for the love of _fuck_... take back your promise and don't go around acting like a human weapon,"

Atem nodded slowly, his eyes downcast, staring at the floor

"Yugi... things between us... they won't be the same after this, will they?"

They had never had a fight like this, and now...

The first time that they _did_ was when he had put Joey's life at stake, how could he expect forgiveness _now_?

It was too late.... he had come to all of this rationality too late and now he couldn't do anything to stop the inevitable...

"What are you talking about?" Yugi asked in legitimate confusion, a sad smile crossing his face as he leaned forward and gave his freind a hug

"You fucked up, Atem, you made a mistake..... but that's all it is, a mistake, I know you weren't trying to hurt anyone, everything between us will be fine, ok? I'm still mad at you, don't get me wrong, and if you _ever_ pull a stunt like this again I am going to rain _hell_ down on your ass.... but you're still my best freind, you're still my _partner_ , and that will never change, now let's track down our idiots before it's too late,"


	5. I Just Wanted To Be Perfect, To Believe It's All Been Worth The Fight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from "Lies" by Marina + The Diamonds- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MsnlBtlimBA

_"Are you going to tell me what we're doing here?"_

_Atem smiled softly over his shoulder, a slightly somber look on his face as he stepped into the bank vault_

_It still felt kind of strange to him that his fiance` had a lockbox in a **bank vault** , Atem had always talked about not having anything financially valuable, not really, his "valuables" were mostly just sentimental, outside of things like his laptop and other electronics, but he didn't really have any **really** expensive jewlry or clothing, most of it was rather cheap, with a few nicer items here and there but nothing he'd ever consider getting appraised or .. anything like that_

_They had talked about it once, months back, when Seto had mentioned getting an appraisal for a broach he had_

_So he couldn't help wondering what was in here..._

_"You'll see," Atem replied vaguely, finally drawing the particular box in question and unlocking it, setting his key on the table next to them and setting the lockbox down alongside it_

_"I know that this is rather... feminine, and I'll have to get it resized for sure but ... I wanted you to have it," he said slowly, reaching into the box and pulling out a beautfull, but simple, diamond ring_

_It was small and dainty, with a thin gold band and a couple of small diamonds embedded into it, though, the sapphire in the middle was the real sight to behold, in Seto's opinion_

_"It was my mother's," the officer added quietly_

_"I always wanted to give it to the person I marry, my father always told me to give it to my bride when I was ready, he um... well, he died before I really had the pan talk with him but... you don't have to wear it I just want you to **have-** "_

_"I'll wear it," Seto said immediately, reaching out to gently place one hand over Atem's, the other reaching up to cup his face and leaning in to give him a soft, slow kiss_

_"I love it.. I love you, I'll never take it off,"_

 

"I'm confused as to what you want me to do with this information,"

Seto's fingers kept running against his engagement ring, sitting just above his wedding band, his fingers tracing over the diamonds and sapphire again and again and again....

"I just thought you should know,"

"Seto, it's more than that, you don't like me, you wouldn't have come to me if you didn't want me to do something about this, I just don't know what it is that you expect me to do,"

"Stop him!" Seto snapped suddenly

"Look, Atem loves you, he loves you ... probably more than he loves me, and he'll listen to you, I know for a _fact_ that he respects you more than he respects me, if he'll listen to anyone it'll be you,"

"Why do you feel that way?" Mahaad asked quietly

"Why do you think he feels so strongly for me but not for you? He married you, Seto, whereas with me.... we've never seen eachother that way,"

"Don't psychoanalyze me, you won't like me when I'm psychoanalyzed," Seto snipped back

"Yes, well, nicely timed Hannibal quotes aside, I'm being serious-"

"I am too, you think I don't like you because you and Atem are close? I don't like you because I don't _trust_ you, you get into people's heads and fuck around in there and you can make them do whatever you want!"

".. Is that really what you think of psychology, Seto? That it's just .. a tool to manipulate people with?" Mahaad asked with legitimate sadness

"Look bitch, this isn't about me, this is about _Atem_ ,"

"And you want me to manipulate him into staying here,"

"No, I want you to CONVINCE him that he's making a stupid decision and not to go get himself killed!"

Before Mahaad could reply to that, the door suddenly slammed open, and a furious, devastated looking Atem stood before them

" _Mahaad_? _REALLY_ Seto!? I cannot believe you would go behind my back like this!!"

"You mean like how you went behind _my_ back yesterday?" Seto pointed out calmly, eyebrows raised

Atem wanted to argue, he wanted to argue that it wasn't the same thing, that this was entirely different, and in alot of ways it was, he certainly felt that it was, but...

Now really wasn't the time for all of that

"This is bigger than that, Joey is missing, he ran off after you told him about my deal with Marik, he's trying to take my place!"

Seto's lips were pursed, clearly he hadn't expected that outcome, but...

"I'm sorry to hear that, we'll do everything we can to find him,"

"That's all you have to say!?" Atem screamed

"What do you want me to do? Apologize? Say that I regret it? I told you before, I will do _anything_ to protect you, Atem, and if that means I have to tell the people you care about that you're planning to do something that will get you killed? That's what I'll have to do,"

"Even if that hurts me?" Atem hissed

".. Yes, if it keeps you safe, then that's what I have to do,"

Atem looked as though he was about to cry from that

"Seto.... Joey could get himself killed like this, I know that you two like eachother now, I know that you care about him,"

"But not nearly as much as I care about you," Seto pointed out, still frighteningly calm

Atem's eyes flicked over to Mahaad, praying that his freind would somehow make it clear to Seto that this was a dire situation, that he would somehow be on his side, but ... that wasn't what happened

"I think I should leave," the therapist said suddenly, standing from his chair, wich seemed to take both Atem and Seto by surprise

"What? Why? I brought you here-"

"You brought me to your home, Seto, in the hopes that I would manipulate Atem into staying here if telling Yugi and Joey the truth didn't work as well as you had hoped, now Atem is likely hoping that I'll jump into this and call you out for endangering someone else's life on his behalf, but I won't do either of those things, this is not my fight, this is not my responsibility, and wile I'm more than happy to help both of you with whatever I can, I won't be manipulated into being dragged into the middle of your fight, I will mediate, I will help, but I won't be used or pushed to 'choose a side',"

Atem stepped forward, catching Mahaad's arm and glancing up at him sadly

"I'm sorry... I'm sorry that you were involved in any of this,"

"You don't need to apologize for that, I've been involved for a long time,"

He paused, turning to Seto with sympathy clearly written across his face

"I do hope that someday you grow to trust me, and that your opinion on my profession changes, I don't know what happened to make you feel so negatively about my profession, but I hope that someday you can learn that .. whatever it was was a bad incident that can't be used to examine the entirety of the mental health feild,"

"Thanks, but don't count on it," Seto replied briskly, standing as well and taking a step towards Atem

"For the record, I never intended on anyone else getting hurt, I never wanted Joey to act like an idiot like you are-"

"I'm doing what I think is right Seto!! And you're tampering at that, putting other people at risk-!"

"I don't care! YOU'RE the one who put them at risk, Atem, when you decided to put YOURSELF at risk! When the fuck are you going to start realizing that your life matters just as much as everyone else's!?"

"Because it doesn't!" Atem shouted suddenly

Mahaad, who had been on his way to opening the front door, paused suddenly, turning around in surprise at hearing that information

"It .. it doesn't... Seto," he replied slowly, his voice growing more quiet

"I'm happy that I'm with you and I love that you love me... but being with you is selfish of me, letting you love me is selfish of me-"

"You say that as if you have some sort of choice in it, but love doesn't work that way," Seto snipped, clearly bristling with frustration and concern

"I'm sorry," Atem finally said, his voice firm but quiet, wrapping his arms around his chest, his head lowered as tears began to brim in his eyes

"I'm so sorry I ever got you involved in any of this.... I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!"

For just a second, things were quiet, before Seto stepped forward and gently placed a hand on Atem's shoulders, smoothing it down over his back and looking down to attempt catching a glimpse of his face, but it was no use, Atem's bangs were covering his features too much

"Atem, what do you mean that your life isn't as important as anyone else's?"

"It isn't," the other man answered simply but shakily, trying to fight back tears

"I'm a bad person, Seto, I'm a ... I'm a cold-blooded killer, and I just.. I just want to make things right... I just want to do the right thing and _fix_ everything but I don't do anything but make it worse!"

"Atem, what are you talking about? What the hell is all of this about?"

"I never told you," Atem said quietly, the tears beginning to fall from his eyes, splattering down on the carpet beneath him

"I never told you about the person I killed.. that got me sent to see Mahaad...." he paused, finally glancing up and catching Mahaad's eyes

"And I never told _you_ the truth about it, not ... not the real truth, atleast..."

 

_Atem's footsteps were quiet_

_He aimed to be as silent as a mouse as he crept through the building, his gun drawn, his eyes narrowed_

_This ... fucking douchebag had Yugi.... and he would be damned if he didn't come out of this with his partner entirely intact_

_His grip tightened on the gun, keeping his breathing as even and steady as he could, glancing around, looking for any sign of the kidnapper_

_They had been investigating this jackass for weeks now, suspecting him of killing several girls who he had been thought to have romantic relationships with_

_Atem swore he had only left Yugi alone for a few minutes when they were staking him out at the bar, Atem had just needed to step away to call the station and notify them that they might need backup soon_

_He couldn't have been gone for more than two or three minutes, and he couldn't have been further than a few yards away_

_He had been so sure that everything would be ok, but when he went back to Yugi, his partner was gone_

_Evidently, so was the suspect they had been tailing_

_Atem was sure of his suspicions, and he didn't have time to call in for warrants_

_He knew that if he didn't hurry to catch the jackass responsible for all of this, he would be finding Yugi in a shallow grave by this time tommorrow_

_So he had followed_

_He had followed for what felt like hours, driving along the highway, keeping himself at the skillfully correct distance needed to tail someone without being noticed, and right at the end... he had lost him_

_Atem had spent an extra thirty minutes searching for his missing lead before finally finding the trail again, and by that point, the murdering scumbag had already reached his location_

_That's where Atem was now, stealthily creeping around the run down house in the middle of nowhere- because ofcourse, wasn't that **always** where the killers took their prey?- looking for any trace of his partner_

_He swallowed tightly as he searched the house, opening each door as quietly as possible, taking every step as gently as he could, he knew that if he alerted the bastard to his presence, it might prompt him to get messy, and potentially kill Yugi to prevent the captive from slowing him down as he made his escape- that is, if he hadn't already....._

_Atem shook his head quickly, trying not to think that way as he took another step down the hall, wincing when he heard the floorboard creak beneath the weight of his foot_

_Heart racing anxiously, he glanced down at the board, and ... noticed suddenly that there was a little bit of light- just the tiniest amount- seeping in from beneath the floor..._

_**A basement....** _

_Ofcourse!!_

_Why hadn't he thought of it before!?_

_Hurriedly, he began searching for the basement door, still trying to be quiet about things, and on his third try- **jackpot**_

_Sighing with releif, he hurried to start down the stairs, praying to every god in his pantheon that they wouldn't make a sound_

_He could just about cry from releif when his feet hit the filthy concrete floor below, officially away from creaking floorboards, and allowed him to continue forward without the risk of making noise_

_It didn't take long before he found what he was looking for_

_Pushing aside a long, dirty, cloth curtain, he immediately found himself face to face with Yugi, who was tied spread eagle on the bed in the center of the "room", still clothed, thank the gods, with a gag in his mouth and looking dazed and disoriented, atleast, until he caught sight of Atem, at wich point he perked up quickly_

_Atem put a finger to his lips, shaking his head quickly to prevent him from making a sound before slowly making his way towards one of the other curtains that separated the bed... uh... area.... from the rest of the basement and sliding it aside_

_And there he was_

_Blonde and bulky, chuckling gleefully to himself as he set up an old-fashioned video camera on a tripod_

_He didn't notice Atem, his attention too focused on getting the camera set up_

_...._

_And Atem saw **red**_

_Even now, even to this day, he could never remember being so filled with pure, raw, **rage** , as he was in that moment_

_The idea that this sick fuck had not only kidnapped, tortured, and murdered atleast half a dozen girls in the last several months and **filmed** them all, but that he was getting ready to do the same to his partner...._

_It was as if, for a moment, Atem dissociated_

_It felt like he wasn't even in charge of his body anymore_

_He squeezed the trigger_

_Again and again and again_

_He poured every bullet in the magazine into the blonde's body until he was squeezing and squeezing but there was no gunfire following..._

_Panting heavily, he dropped the gun to the floor and **screamed** in anger_

_He wanted to do it again_

_He wanted to keep going_

_He would pour a semi-automatic into that fucking **monster** if only he had one_

_It wasn't until several minutes later that he realized what he had done_

 

"You lied to me,"

That was the first thing Mahaad said, and honestly, Atem couldn't blame him

By now, he was sobbing uncontrollably, his body shaking as he held himself

He had perched himself on the edge of Seto's home-office desk at some point during the story, and Seto...

He couldn't remember when, but at some point he had started to hug his husband, rubbing his arm soothingly and trying to calm him

It wasn't working very well

"Ofcourse I did," Atem breathed, finally looking up and meeting the shocked, hurt expression that his freind wore

"I didn't have a choice! You... you don't anymore, but you worked for the police back then, you would decide if I kept my job or not, fuck you would decide if I got **COURT MARSHALED** or not! I ... I couldn't tell you the truth! I would have been ruined, _Yugi_ would have been ruined! He lied for me too, remember? I **_never_** asked him to...... but he was insistent..... if anyone had found out that we lied about the circumstances of that bastard's death, we both would have been ruined, we would have been fired _and_ sent to prison, I couldn't let that happen to Yugi, I couldn't let him suffer for my mistakes.... and, truthfully... I didn't want to either, I was terrified, I had killed a _monster_ , I wasn't going to let my entire life be ruined for that! Not to mention his...."

"So it isn't pulling the trigger you regret, it's not pulling it more effectively," Mahaad noted

" _Now_ who's quoting Hannibal?" Seto grumbled back quietly, not that either of them were paying attention

"Yes, I'd do nothing differently if I could now, except ... except make sure that Yugi never knew the truth... so if this all came out, if all of this fell back on me, atleast he wouldn't have to pay for any of it,"

"But you could have told me, I wouldn't have judged you, I wouldn't have told anyone, you could have been honest,"

"Oh fuck that Mahaad," Atem breathed tiredly

"Your job was to tell my boss if I was sane enough to keep working as a police officer, there's no doctor/patient confidentiality here, if you had been asked by a judge or an IA officer you would have had no choice but to tell them, and... even if you didn't say anything directly, even if they didn't ask, I was still afraid that you would rule that I wasn't safe to be on the force, or .. worse, that you would say something in your report that would catch the attention of Internal Affairs and cause them to catch onto what had happened, cause them to ... do something that would negatively impact Yugi or I... you were a stranger Mahaad, can you really blame me for not trusting you? And then after ... after we became freinds, how could I have confessed then? You would have hated me, I would have lost you and I .. I was afraid of that, I was afraid of losing one of my best freinds,"

"You really think our freindship so fickle that I would have abandoned you over trying to protect yourself and your partner from being court marshaled?"

"I think that honesty is more important you than anything else and I haven't done well at upholding that... and _that_ would have cost us our freindship,"

Mahaad sighed quietly, his shoulders sagging as he stepped closer and gently brushed a few strands of hair behind Atem's ear

"Nothing will cost us our freindship, Atem, there is nothing you could do that would make me hate you... angry with you, disappointed with you, hurt by you... but not hate,"

Atem's head lowered again, no longer able to meet Mahaad's eyes

"If you two are done flirting," Seto snipped irritably, drawing the attention of both men

"Seto.... I'm sorry, I'm sorry about last night, sorry for involving you in this, sorry for-"

"Stop apologizing," Seto sighed quietly

"I'm not holding anything against you, and we have bigger problems anyway," he noted, gently but firmly batting Mahaad's hand away and stepping in front of him, cupping Atem's face in both hands now

"You said you're a bad person? You're not, 'good' and 'bad' are fluid concepts that change with opinion, it's all subjective, and it doesn't mean anything, good people do bad things sometimes, bad people do good things sometimes, people don't always fit into those nice, neat, little boxes, you can be a person who has never committed one single crime, spotless record, never done anything that you can be arrested for.. and be the biggest asshole on the face of the planet who goes around screaming at babies and compulsively lying about everything to everyone they meet, and you can be a person who volunteers at soup kitchens and fosters puppies but who was pressured into stealing a car once or ended up getting addicted to drugs and having to steal to support the habbit... I'm not saying there's no such thing as bad people, gods know there is, and the monsters you've killed are undoubtedly in that category... but there's no such thing as 'good people' who are always good all the time making the perfect moral choices, there are always mistakes and subjective opinions and you trying to make yourself the beacon of goodness who's always doing the right thing is putting shit on your shoulders that doesn't need to be there, I told you you're not Superman, but maybe I should have phrased that differently- even Superman can't always do the right thing at all times, even Superman has to watch out for not only his loved ones, but _himself_ too, yes he throws himself at nuclear bombs and evil masterminds..... but he also let's himself be Clark Kent, who, by very virtue of existing, isn't saving the world 24/7, am I making _any_ sense to you or am I just trying to explain morals to a fucking cat here?"

"I understand," Atem said quietly, sniffling and rubbing at his eyes

"I understand and you're right, but I- .. I don't want to break my promise to Marik either, I want to help him... he's... he's my _freind_ ,"

That felt strange to say, but it was true

As weird as it may have been, he felt like he and Marik were freinds now, and after he had just helped Atem so much earlier that morning... that feeling was even more prominent

"Then we can find a way to handle it _without_ going to the murder capital of the world,"

"Actually that isn't- .... oh, you were exaggerating..."

Seto rolled his eyes, but some small part of him couldn't help being charmed all the same

"We'll find a way to help him Atem, a way that doesn't include risking our lives, hm? There are ... plenty of people already in America who take great pleasure in doing jobs on Purge night, I'm sure with Marik's help we can track down one of them and stitch together a plan before the 21st, control the situation remotely,"

It would be rough, the 21st was only a couple of days away now, sure the timezone difference would lend them an extra day but ... it would still be tight

Not impossible, but tight

"Look, I promise you, we will find a way to help Marik, in return, you promise me that you abandon the crazy plan you had last night, and that we explore this ... _I'm a bad person_ bullshit philosophy of your's, got it? Because after everything you've done to help me, I'm not going to sit back and let you destroy yourself, understand?"

"I understand, you have my word," Atem said with seriousness, glancing up at Mahaad

"What do you say _Doctor_? Noon on Monday?"

"I'm sorry Atem... I wish I could but I can't, you're my freind now, I can't have a propper session with you, it would be too messy, the most effective therapy happens when the doctor and patient have a level of distance so that there's no .. fear of honesty, I realize it's a fine line for you to walk, and as your freind, I'm more than happy to give you advice and suggestions when you need them... but I can't be your doctor again, it would be a conflict of interest,"

"It's ok, I understand," Atem promised with a gentle smile

"I think I might have a good alternative anyway,"

"And that would be?" Mahaad asked with concern

"You know I was always on a razor's edge with traditional therapy, maybe I could use something less.. conventional, I was with Marik earlier, he used mild torture methods to make me admit the truth to myself and understand myself better, I feel better now,"

Mahaad looked as if he had been nearly hit by a bus

" _No_ ,"

"But-"

" _Absolutely not,_ "

"I think it would be healthy,"

"I think it's insane and that if you want to explore masochism you should consult your husband about dominating you, not let a mob boss torture you,"

"So first you suggested that I would gain emotional fullfillment dominating, now you suggest I'll find it submitting?" Atem asked in legitimate confusion

"Switches are a thing, and you're the one who said you thought it might help, I'm just suggesting you do it safely and with a partner who is-"

"Wait wait wait," Seto said quickly, staring between the two of them in surprise and mild annoyance

" _HE_ is where you got all this from!?"

"Well not entirely, I was always a little kinky, Mahaad simply... opened the door for me,"

Seto's glance flickered to the doctor, clearly simmering with frustration

"Calm down, I suggested it to him _once_ and he ran with it on his own, I'm not even in the scene myself, I'm just vaguely aware of it, there's no need for you to feel threatened, our relationship has always been purely platonic,"

"Yet somehow I'm left to wonder," Seto grumbled back, turning his attention back to Atem

"Yo know I love you and only you, _imi-ib,_ " Atem promised, leaning closer and draping his arms around Seto's neck, hugging him a bit tighter as the CEO sighed and nuzzled into his shoulder

"Not that this isn't all very touching, but I really do have to get back to the office before my lunch break is over, and I think you two have a freind to find,"

Seto nodded slowly, clearing his throat and wrapping an arm around Atem as the smaller man jumped down from the desk

"I'll drive you Mahaad,"

"I appreciate that," the doctor noted sincerely

He knew that Seto's distaste for him had, if anything, only grown now, so he appreciated his willingness to help even more now

"And just for the record, Atem, if you're going to submit to _anyone_ ever again, it's going to be me,"

"Really?" Atem asked in surprise as he allowed Seto to lead them to the door

"You don't mind? But... I want to remain your dom, I adore our dynamic the way it is, I don't want to ruin it..."

"You aren't ruining anything, and I never said I wouldn't still be your full-time sub, but ... you need something else too, something I think I might be able to give to you, I can dominate you for a scene here and there can't I?"

"I don't know, can you?" Atem teased back

Seto had zero experiencing dominating anyone- actually, he had zero sexual experience _at all_ outside of Atem, but he had a feeling that he might be able to learn, if he was motivated enough as he clearly was

"Why not? I'd be learning from the best,"

"... Ok," Atem promised softly, reaching out to gently squeeze Seto's hand as they walked, stepping out of the house and down the steps of the front porch

"I'll teach you a few things then, when all of this is over, we'll see about it, just promise me that I'll always be your pharaoh... please?"

Seto smirked, pulling his keys from his pocket and turing to cup Atem's face once more, staring deeply into his eyes like a romantic cliche

"For as long as we both shall live, and an eternity after,"

Aem beamed, leaning up on the tips of his toes for a kiss- ... and being abruptly interrupted by his phone going off

"Is that Yugi's text tone?" Seto asked quickly as Atem pulled his phone from his pocket

"It is,"

The mood, wich had been lightening moments before, then took a very sudden, and very tense turn as Atem glanced down at the message on his screen

_I'm sorry_


End file.
